Bug Off!

On the way to work this morning I am doing the usual:

Chap Stick in mirror - Check

Play with hair - Check

Z93 – Check (i.e. Papa Roach - Forever blasting with head bobbing to the beat flashing people the “rock on” horns when they stare at me)

That is when I felt it….something was tickling my arm. I figured since I was playing with my hair that one had come loose, I look down and to my terror it was not a hair. It was the biggest black and red bug I have ever seen. I suddenly freak the fuck out swerving wildly as I try to get it off me and out of the car. I flick it with my finger only to discover that it flies. In my girly bug phobia mind it might as well been the size of a pterodactyl ready to bite my face off, my reaction would have been similar. I pull off the side of the road and get out of the car, the bug had won round one. It was in the car out of the cold and I was standing outside freezing. Not two minutes later this man stops and asks if there is something wrong with my car. I managed to whimper a "yes, there is something wrong with it...there is a huge bug in there and I am not getting in till it flies out. "

This man proceeded to climb all over my car, found the bug, killed it and removed it. I thanked him for being so brave and then I got back in the car, called my boss to let him know I was on the way, and why i was running a little late...i think he finds me amusing.

I do give a (dog) shit!

While my dog was taking a poo this morning on our walk, a crabby lady walked by me & from the look on her face i knew in her head she was thinking, "i hope that bitch picks that shit up!" but i didn't. and i don't.

this may piss off a lot of you... but i'm not the asshole that walks thru the common areas & lets my dog shit at will. (when we do walk thru there, i DO pick up after her.) i walk the outskirts, along the ditch, along the treelines...

in this "green" enviornment movement & being a treehugger myself.... WHY would i pick up my dog's poop - put it in a plastic bag & then throw it into a container lined with an even heavier plastic bag just to appease YOU?

my dog's poop helps the plants grow. it goes back to the earth. and with the pouring rain this morning... it's pry already gone. what fucking sense does it make that i pick up some thing that's totally biodegradable, put it in a plastic bag which last forever & put it into yet another huge (thicker) plastic bag... to be hauled to a landfill to rot the earth?

i know not everyone is as dog friendly as i am... but shit (literally) - give me a break. if i'm taking the time to walk my dog off the beaten path, don't get pissed when i'm not bending over to pick up my dog's poop to make YOU happy

Just Another Day

Ok, so today got off to a rough start, I am stumbling around ½ awake because my princess dog ninja-ed me out of bed this morning with a "Dragon Kick" to the back in an effort to be let outside. I fall out of the bed and can't find my slippers so I am walking into the kitchen with her behind me I am stepping on all the white chicken looking pieces of dog food on the way to put her outside...what the heck! I take it that is her way of letting me know that she does not like the white pieces of her new dog food, she eats the rest but she leaves the white pieces on the floor. How she manages to get the white pieces into the bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, and living room while I am sleeping at night is beyond me. I think I should have named her Houdini.



Later: I am driving and my boss calls "hey can you pick up some keys" so I turn around and head back in the other direction, when my boss calls again "never mind I can't get a hold of her to let her know you are coming to pick up the keys" so I turn around again and head back. My phone rings again I try to answer it and drop it under the seat, pull over and grab it just as it stops ringing, I call my boss back. "She is at a breakfast meeting so you can just meet her there" I turn back around and head back in the other direction again…My boss calls again and I suddenly develop a case of tourettes...and then answer it. "nevermind now she shut her phone off" so I turn around again. I had to stop at the gas station on the way. It was ok I was in no hurry to get to work since I am waiting for one of my bosses to call my other boss so we can have a re-meeting of the pre-meeting for the meeting tomorrow. You see the 3 of us met about this meeting once already and I created handouts, team charts and an agenda…and now there are all these changes from boss 1 so I make those and then boss 2 has no idea why the meeting format is the way it is…which might have been helpful to be brought up at the pre-meeting for the meeting, however it was not, soooo.... now we are having a re-meeting about the pre-meeting. This will all result in major changes to the handouts, teams, and agenda, which in turn means the time I spent pre-planning so I was not rushing at the last minute was a total waste. This is why I dislike meetings.



in other idiot news:

So don't get me wrong in this f-ed up housing market I am so glad my house sold I was about ready to call my realtor and have him add the music from the movie "Psycho" to my virtual tour and we could change the listing to say that the first floor is purgatory and the basement was called hell... I mean come on… anyway thank you sucker for buying that cursed house!



anyways...what was i getting at.....oh.....


So during the move I seem to have done something bad to my elbow. The Dr. says I have tendonitis and it is still bothering me. I tried to consult my "Idiot Girls Guide to Injury Management" but there is really nothing I can do about it but keep popping anti-inflammatory drugs. I tried to pick up my stapler and it must have gained weight, I almost cried and dropped it…this tendonitis affects your arm from the elbow down and could really be a problem.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

The Birthday Girl

I could not sleep last night…which sucked since I have to get up early to go to work. I am fairly certain that my co-workers think I had Carnation Instant Bitch for Breakfast. Well it is my Birthday so I can be the Birthday Bitch if I want to.
I did get one Birthday message in my in box and it said:

I hope you have a calm and blessed day. You have made great strides this past year, they happen slowly and in small steps. But when you look back you can see the progress. We each tend to think we are not getting anywhere, but we eventually look up or look back and then we see the small steps we where taking have moved us miles ahead. Many people in our office and in your day to day life count on you as a person who knows what to do in many circumstances, keep on going forward, soon you will look back and realize you are closer than you think to a changed life. I am glad you are in my circle of friends.
I feel better now.

 

Let there be Light

I seem to be having an issue with electric lately. It started a couple days ago when I came home and my apt. was 40 degrees. (This is due in large part to karma, because I was complaining at my parent’s house because it was 95 degrees in there because my poor grandma was visiting and is always cold.) My fish (beta) was so pissed, and freezing his fin off, so I got him in some warm water and called the heating and cooling guy. The guy finally gets to my house, and is talking to me but looking at my tits since they are pointing at him twice...he finally moves to the the furnace and determines that it is the “glow-plug” that went out. I nod at him and look clueless…all I wanted to know was how long is this damn glow-plug going to take to get fixed…he continues to tell me it happens from time to time…that it is like a light bulb that burns out, I nod and continue to look clueless… So he was fixing it for 30 mins. Then he begins to write a bill…lets see $51.00 for 30 mins of work (I am in the wrong business) and one glow-plug at $122.00 he informs me that he won’t charge for the service call (dude i am in an apt. i dont care what you charge i am not paying for it). I smile and think that is one expensive damn light bulb. So all in all not to bad $173.00 bill to landloard and the dog, fish and I are defrosting. Thank You… Mr. Heating Man.

However little did I know at the time, but this event cause a light bulb chain reaction in my apt. First the light in my refrigerator went out. Good thing my bottle of Smirnoff is so huge I can find it in the dark. Well anyway it is still out due to the fact I can’t find it…I am convinced that it is behind that plastic cover in the back that I can’t get off, even though I used the lucky screw driver that worked so wonderful in opening the locked window when I so skillfully locked myself out of my old house. Then the light in the lamp went out. This would not usually be a big deal, but I happened to see the movie, I cant remember what it was called…but it had Vin Diesel and the things that swooped down and torn you limb from limb if you were in the darkness. Needless to say, I MUST by all means stay out of the darkness for fear some creature or pissed off tooth faerie (Darkness Falls) will have their way with me….ok I got sidetracked…anyway... Then the light bulbs in my bedroom went out. This actually forced me to go to Target and get light bulbs. I had no idea that light bulbs have there own isle. There are so many to choose from. I grab two boxes (one for backup) and head back home. I put one in the lamp and then replace the two burnt out ones in my bedroom. I flip on the light and WOW….I need sunglasses in my bedroom seems I got 100 watt bulbs and they are a hell of a lot brighter than the 60 watt. So I shut off the light and take one of the bulbs back out. So now my world is bright again, and the dog and I will quit running into each other.

Other notes on the day...

• I made the Honor Roll

• White-out does not work well on lime green post-it notes

• I think i want Apple Jacks for dinner

Trip to Petsmart

Sable, wanna go to petsmart? *commence Riverdance* so i get dressed and brush teeth and hair with her following me from room to room, she does not want me to miss any part of her dramatic rendition. I almost trip over bucket of mop water, so i decide to dump it out. *prepare for idiot girl moment* as i am dumping it down the toilet, i forgot i had a wash rag in there as i watch it get sucked into the toilet with the rest of the water...i look at sable with eyes wide and sable decides to take an intermission. Crap! what am i gonna do, i get a hanger and go fishing for it but i can't reach it, so i flush the toilet and watch the water rising...and rising...and rising... i get the plunger and plunge...success it went all the way through...SWEET! no harm no foul. I flush the toilet again to make sure...that was close. I look at Sable and i swear this dog is shaking her head at me. I say ok i am almost ready. *commence Act III of Riverdance* i put on my shoes and we get in the car. When Sable gets so excited she does this whine/whimper thing...she does this for a good 10 minutes so i turn up the radio. i put the window down a lil (yes in Michigan and i can put the window down for now). We get to Petsmart and Sable is so very excited to do the following:
drag me across the parking lot and in the door wrapping me in the leash at least twice

sniff others dogs butts and some peoples too

try to go into the adopt a cat room

eat out of the bulk bins

visit the fish, lizards and birds

pick out her treats, toys, and bones (she hates when i put the doggie hats on her)

go to the check out and put her front paws on the counter till the cashier gives her a treat.
all in all it was a good visit and she was tuckered out so laid down in the back seat on the way home.

TXTing for Idiots

 

Ok, I have to admit I have text messaged more in the last week than I have in my whole life. I will be the first to admit I am not very textually active. (EBBAF- error between brain and fingers?) I have seen people whip out messages at light speed. I use more of the turtle speed method. (TMOT – trust me on this) I have also become aware that I should not try to send a text message while driving. Today on the way home I think I took out a street sign, a mailbox, and a biker…ok I am just kidding but I think the only time I was in my lane was between letters. (HHIS-head hanging in shame) Is there some kind of texting for idiot's book? (IRMC – I rest my case)