The HR Lady

It was a pretty dreary morning, dripping rain on me while I let Sable out. I just wanted to shut my eyes and pretend I was in Forks and my name was Bella. However my life is not that exciting so I let Sable do her thing and went to work. I know I don’t usually work on Saturday’s however I love money and I have no life, so a little overtime is not going to kill me. I rounded the corner in front of the building and there she was… The HR Lady. As I parked my car I had several thoughts:
What is she doing here on a Saturday?
Shit! She has her black folder.
Someone is getting fired!
Damn I know I got personal e-mails!
What Internet Site was I on?
There is only two of us working today.
Is it me?

I walked by her and said good morning and she smiled back, but did not stop me. Just as we finished the awakward exchange I saw my co-worker coming out with a plant in her hands and tears streaming down her face. I looked down at the floor and kept walking I did not know what to say or not say. Somehow “Good Morning” “Good bye” “Oh, did you get fired?” did not seem approprate. So I headed up to my desk and popped my CD in and got lost in the sounds of Aletheua – Truthspeaking. After the song was over I wandered over to the windows and both of their cars were gone. I did not get fired, but wow…can someone warn a sister if that stuff is gonna go down while I am here.

Time passed pretty fast, for as quiet as it was, and at 1:00 I headed home. No park today for Sable since it is raining, and to be honest I feel a little off, thank you Cottonwood trees for all the white floating puff balls that are making outside a living hell on my allergies. I can’t remember if I told you before but those Vicks Kleenex are the best product ever.

Anyway pretty uneventful I made it to work and back two days in a row with no police officer encounters. I bet your proud of me.

Oh FFS I give up for today.

Last night and today sheer idiot girl in action. I don’t know how I manage to always have such amazing luck. Last night I could not sleep, just had a lot on my mind…so you know it was a battle between my tired body and my wide awake mind. So what seemed like a few minutes later my alarm went off and it was time for work. I looked in the mirror and my puffy eyes looked horrible.



I took Sable outside and I have been watching her poop like a hawk… I know that sounds weird, but when I went to visit my dad and mom on Sunday my dad had chicken wings for lunch and tossed the bones in the trash, which would normally not be a big deal but Sable was like "OMG YAY Chicken Bones" I dont care for chicken on the bone (gross) so Sable does not get into that kinda trouble at home. When my dad and I had left the room she went into Super Sable Stealth mode and ninja'd the bones out of the trash can...so I have been hoping everything “comes out” ok. I don’t need another vet bill.

I get dressed and get to work and I just seemed out of control...could not get a handle on people and the phone kept ringing. Right off the bat I get one guy who is just being a jerk and another one who is trying to hit on me. Some days you just want to scream or be able to tazer people through the phone

I was trying to figure out persons A deed in lieu, Persons C short sale and Person B would call to see about getting a modification. I think this is when my mind just went on strike and said fuck you. I then needed some caffeine and the coke machine refused to take 2 out of my 5 quarters…why? I have no clue. So I had to go on a search to exchange my shunned quarters for 2 more favorable quarters. I finally got my coke.




I finally get through work and and driving home and I know your not gonna believe this… I had another run in with the law. I know you think i am making this crap up, but i am not.

In my ½ zombie and ½ caffeine rush state I turn left on an orange light..,. yes it was orange…almost unyellow and just turning red. Well I get pulled over. 1. I have no seatbelt on 2. The insurance cards in my car say expired two months ago and the new ones are at home and
3. I have unpaid parking tickets. So I got a ticket for disobeying a traffic signal, he let the other things slide. SO I get to call on Monday and see how much that is going to cost me. Do you think I can get a payment plan?

I get home and take sable for a walk to chill but she does not seem to want to go for some reason. So I go back home to escape in my video game only to have things go to hell on there too. So here I sit. I think I will go read or something constructive where I am not bothering anyone or being a menace to society.


Milk ---check.

Oreos. ---check.

Mandalay CD, candles, and maybe some vodka (better safe than sober). ----check.

Remove all potential projectiles from area. (pens, silverware, chairs etc..) ---check.

FTM

I had went to pick of lunch for the office and I never mind doing this because using the FTM is far less hassle than using the ATM. Let me explain this idiot girl theory.


Using the “Friend TM”
Step 1. Announce you are going to Subway.
Step 2. Ask co-workers if they want anything thing
Step 3. Collect orders and cash
Step 4. Walk to Subway and pay with debit card… leaving you cash in hand.



Using the ATM
Step 1. Drive to bank
Step 2. Dig for card
Step 3. Try to remember pin number
Step 4. Wait for slow person in front of you to check balances on all 17 of their accounts
Step 5. Tap foot
Step 6. Approach machine and try to read screen with glare from the sun

… you get my point the FriendTM is way more efficient, try it today.

The Idiot Girl Elitest Award (FFXI)

OMG I have met the BIGGEST Elitist Fuck AROUND.

You know me I get myself in some of the worst situations with people, this is why for the most part I hide inside where it is safe.

I've been wondering… Do the elitist have any fun in life or in video games for that matter, or do they just spend their lives trying to prove to everyone else they're superior?

I am talking about the type of person that is always right and never at fault. So quick to give you a million reasons as to why it was not their fault, it had to be yours. These are the people that, regardless of the subject at hand, they ALWAYS know more about anyone involved with that topic.

They know random, trivial facts that nobody else knows. They've owned every console ever made. They're the only ones on the planet who beat E.T. on the Atari (and they're actually proud of this). Then, they turn around and lecture everybody. And I mean, everybody. They seek out the smallest mistake and pounce on it, gleefully proclaiming to all just how knowledgeable they are.

Seriously, were they last in line when humanity was being handed out? I don’t know what it is about this person but just about everything he thinks or says makes it very difficult for me to relate to him let alone want to even be around him.

He is his own biggest fan and has a strong belief in his own superiority. He will bulldoze anyone who confronts him on his logic by having a “data dump” which is when he overwhelms you with HIS logic, and shuts you down quickly to try to confuse you or has a complete melt down which reminds me of a 5 year old yelling at your head as if you are hard of hearing.

Is it because there is some deep seeded problem from his childhood? Is it because he has a strong need for security or control in an unpredictable world? Did he grow up constantly being criticized so he always has to get out his “blankie” of armor, warp it around him and proceed to try to demoralized anyone within a 50 yard radius?

This guy has zero social graces - and certainly no social status to speak of - and because of this, he has to make his mark in a video game. Is his goal in life to be the all-knowing guru? All hail swinger of the mightiest e-peen (eletronical penis)...maybe he is just overcompensating for his lack of one in real life.

So my question is simple: do these people have any fun in life or playing games? Ever? It seems to me as if he walks thorough life as if he is out for revenge, he actually creams his pants when he pisses someone off.

When you're out to prove something all the time, the fun factor disappears fast, doesn't it?

I can tell you all he does is irk me, because I only see him as useless, unhappy, nose-in-the-air elitist fuck. This girls is staying far far away. I hope last night was the first and last run in with this type of person.

yikes.

Breakin The Law

I get in my car to do the good thing, to do the right thing…to go give blood.

I am driving very slowly as the potholes in the road are big enough to lose my car in. I have on my seatbelt, because safety first. All the sudden out of nowhere he appears…and the lights on the top of the car is going blue… blue… blue… blue… I did not get the temporary case of tourette’s that I normally do, because I had no idea why he was pulling me over. I had no time to reach for the idiot girl’s action adventure club handbook, because I was afraid he would shoot me thinking I was reaching for something illegal. I roll down the window and smile! He says license and registration. I pull everything out of the glove compartment and handed him all the paper that I could find registration and proof of insurance, new tires receipt, oil change statements, for the last 5 years; because I seem to feel it is necessary to save EVERYTHING in the glove compartment, Hey were did this Twix candy bar come from.

Well the only problem is I have registration for every year except the current one. It seems in the whirlwind of my life (I will not go into details) I did not notice I never got a sticker thingy back from the State of Michigan that allows me to drive my car on the road legally. I look shocked then embarrassed and then finally looked sad. I explained to the officer that I was a member of the idiot girls action adventure club and these things happen to me, but he had taken his…humor vortex pill…I got a ticket…sigh…so now I have a civil infraction on my rap sheet and I can no longer call myself a law abiding citizen. I am a threat to society and should be approached as such.

So watch for me next month on Peoples Court, as I am sure this will be just the start in my life of crime. This is just a friendly reminder to please donate generously to the “Siren BAIL fund”, it is tax deductible, and your receipt is in the mail. At least I did not go to jail for the unpaid parking tickets.

I'm Boring

Sorry about the sad state of my blog lately. i have not been real motivated to write anything funny. You ever have one of those off weeks...where nothing seems to be going right. Work seems odd, i got a bitchy e-mail today from my boss for doing something wrong, that i thought i did right... i will blame that on a lack of training. (teehee). I cant seem to just get any quiet time with those i love, you know lifes lil distractions always get in the way.

Sable had stepped on something and hurt her foot pretty bad, she licked it until it was raw and when i got home from work she was hardly walking on it, so $90 later she has pain meds, antibotic, a foot wash, and a lamp shade. poor baby.

I was hoping to present you with a guest post from Ryan but I guess he has been busy so...Nooter I will update you on the chicken, from what i have been told. It has grown, and it is now laying eggs. It seems so strange to me that someone would have a pet chicken... i bet i am allergic so i will just stick with Sable. I am looking at her now and I am having a craving for a dirty martini. Well it is midnight so i think i better head to bed.

Maybe i will get inspired this weekend to post about all my latest idiot girl adventures.

Idiot Girl Needs Love Too!

I want you all to meet someone. He stepped into my life at the best possible time. You know he just always seems to have the best timing like that. He dazzles me!

I know what your thinking…

NO I do not pay him… nor does he come with his own 800 number.

and NO he does not take batteries

I know I have mentioned him a time or two before and the fact that he is still around and tolerating my idiot girl action adventures amazes me, sometimes he even joins in. I know this is a foreign concept but I can just simply be me and he adores me anyway… just as I am…I don’t need to change…pretend to be something I am not…I can just be my idiot girl self and he is totally cool with it.

You also want to know what is really weird, he is single and there is nothing wrong with him. [insert shocked, I just won the lotto face here] I can’t wait to see how this story unfolds but I am trying to con him into a guest post or two, his sense of humor is fantastic.

Well Sable is demanding a trip to the dog park, so off we go.

P.S.
Anyone have any great drink recipes for absolute vodka?

Peace!