Human Pin Cushion

I finally broke down and went to the doctor, normally I only go when I have too, you know for birth control and stuff…. Well I have been miserable for years with chronic sinus issues, breathing at times, and ear and throat infections. My doctor finally though it might be a good idea to send me to an ENT. In the last month I must have been to that place once a week. I had the initial appointment where I was examined, they cut some skin from the inside of my ear, there is nothing like having someone stab you in the ear with a large needle. WTF! (This is why I don’t go to Doctors they are always inventing new ways to inflict pain)

The next appointment was a cat scan, talk about freak out… I had one of those before and they injected some dye in me and I had such a severe reaction that I ended up staying in the hospital. So I told them no way on the dye, they said they were just scanning my head so there was no need. Flashing lights, spinning, moving table, and a few loud noises later I was done.

The next appointment I got to see the cat scan, I was relieved that my brain was in there and it was not a little hamster asleep on the wheel. However it was very clear to the doctor that I had sinus issues. Ok… I knew that before the very expensive CAT scan…thank gawd for insurance. He starts talking about surgery; I was ready to run out. I told him that I was not big on going under the knife.

So to make a long story short I will skip the next 3 appointments, I was poked with 38 needles and a ton test prongs, it turns out I have off the chart allergies. All kinds of Grass, Weeds, Summer Flowers, cats, dust, dust mites, cottonwood, mold… it is a long list. The best part is off all the pokes I had a reaction too the dog one stayed flat. I am not allergic to sable.

I have to use an inhaler if I go on wooded hikes, or am around certain types of grasses that are worse than others, for example Timothy Grass and Rag Weed, I will have to goggle that so I know what they like. I have to go every 4th day to get an allergy shot in both arms.

I have opted not to go under the knife for the sinus issues for now. I guess if it gets worse I will have too, but for now I will just try to get these allergies under control and hope that helps.

AHhhChooo!

Command Team...Really?

Do you get overloaded with email at work? Well in addition to my 100 emails a day I am now flooded with emails from the command team…

The first email was this link http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/
This was followed by
Updates
The command Team Methodology
Employee Absenteeism Policy Related to Pandemic Flu
All Employees Memos
Clean Hands Save Lives
A Massive container of Clorox Wipes (really I could hardly lift it) delivered to my desk
A huge bottle of Purell hand sanitizer delivered to my desk
A shipment of Kleenex to the office

I feel like I have been over exposed to H1N1 information it makes me want to rent a bubble… you know like in that movie “Bubble Boy”?

So complete schools have been closing down in the area so we got an email about NOT coming to work when we are sick and having to have a Doctors note to come back to work…then the command team has informed us that if we get the flu they have made arrangement for all of us to work from home, and provided us with posters on how to wash our hands. I am beginning to wonder if they are going to convert the elevator into a decontamination chamber.

Anyway… now that I have been armed with Clorox wipes, Kleenex, hand sanaitizer and schooled on the proper way to wash my hands I am sure I will not be getting the swine flu.

Thank you command team!

Jail Break

Well I found out what happens when you have unpaid parking tickets today. I have to admit I am horrible with my mail, as in going to get it and actually opening it. I had this letter sitting on my kitchen counter for about 2 weeks and I decided that it did not look like junk mail after all and opened it.

It read:

September 14, 2009

Dear Idiot Girl,

Blah… blah… blah…Downtown development…blah…blah...unpaid parking tickets in 2008…blah blah... you have 14 days to pay [begins counting in fingers-uh oh! today is the 14th day hope that means business days] …blah blah...reported to the police….warrant issued…..arrest….revoked drivers license…blah blah blah..additional $45 dollar fee….
I went to city hall today and paid for all the parking tickets I had received in 2008 and two in 2009. It was a pretty hefty bill so it looks like Sable and I will be living on noodles for the next two weeks, but that has got to be better than prison food, and with my idiot girl luck that is where I would be, and orange is just not my color.
Actually I am kind of glad I have it resolved and hopefully there is no warrant for me, I think I will keep the paid receipt in my glove box for a while just to be safe.

Nothing Lasts Forever

Sunday was quiet for me, just reading and listening to some Rumi. Thought I would share.

Nothing lasts forever
No one lives forever
Keep that in mind…
In love
Our life is not the same old burden
Our path Is not the same long journey
A flower fades and dies
We must pause to weave perfection in music
Keep that in mind…
In love
Love droops towards its sunset we drown in the golden shadows
Love must be called from its plane
Love must be born again to be free
Keep that in mind…
In love
Let us hurry to gather our flowers before they are plundered by the passing winds
It quickens our blood and brightens our eyes to snatch kisses that would vanish if we delayed
Our life is eager
Our desires are many
Our time moves by
Keep that in mind…
In love
Beauty is sweet for a short time
And then it is gone
Knowledge is precious
But we will never have time to complete it
All is done and finished in eternal Heaven
But our life here is eternally fresh
Keep that in mind…
In love

Fat

Does anyone really think of the down side of being thin? In this world where it is imperative for you to wear size 4 jeans and be exactly 5’ 10” tall to snag a man or to keep your current man happy. I don’t look like Kate Moss where a strong wind will carry me away, I guess that means I need to start researching chub-chasers on Craig’s list, but with my luck I would lose weight and then lose him too.

I don’t understand why there is so much pressure to be skinny. I have watched models on TV and when they turn sideways you can’t even see them. How in the hell do they cross the street safely? I guess that explains the over sized purses so you don’t completely lose a visual on them when they turn to the side.

It could get mildly annoying if one minute you are standing there talking to them and the next the have fallen between the cracks in the sidewalk.

I guess on the up side for males they can buy a piece of lettuce for dinner and their date would be all set for the night. Cheap dates are great right?

Dinner for four

Of course sex is probably better with a skeleton you could get in all these crazy positions, protruding bones could just add to the “I like my pleasure spiked with pain” type of person. I don’t know, I think if I was that skinny I would miss my boobs… a lot. Of course you can get fake boobs, and you might as well get fake hair and nails too, since lettuce does not really contain all the vitamins and minerals needed to sustain healthy nail and hair growth.

In conclusion I don’t think being model skinny is all it is cracked up to be.

Thief!

I woke up this morning only to discover someone has stole my voice in the night, I think it was one of the bad fairies but I have no solid confirmation. I go to work for 2 hours thinking my voice will come back and I try to call a few people but I am so squeaky and the people on the other end of the phone all say the same things:

“Well at least I am doing better than you”
“Why are you at work?”
“Don’t you feel good?”
“You sound sick”

It is clear I am not going to make any progress at work if I have to answer questions or explain why I am there all day long.

“Well I came in today because I thought work would make me feel better”
“I thought talking all day on the phone would bring my voice back”

Yeah…it just does not make sense

Hell I did not even know why I was at work so how could I explain it to them. I emailed my boss and left, stuck out my tongue at the parking nazi as I got in the car. Sable was so excited when I got home; until I curled up on the couch with this book I just got called “The Host”. I woke up every 2 hours last night…Each time I woke up Sable was staring at me. The first time I took her out. The next time I woke up I noticed she was staring at her water dish and then me. The third time she wanted to go out again probably since she was out of water again. It was a rough night so maybe I will take a nap instead

Wow I want pizza.

Ok… nap then pizza.
I don’t foresee any idiot girl adventures today, but who knows…I’ll keep you posted

Melanie Stryder refuses to fade away.

Our world has been invaded by an unseen enemy. Humans become hosts for these invaders, their minds taken over while their bodies remain intact and continue their lives apparently unchanged. Most of humanity has succumbed.

When Melanie, one of the few remaining "wild" humans is captured, she is certain it is her end. Wanderer, the invading "soul" who has been given Melanie's body, was warned about the challenges of living inside a human: the overwhelming emotions, the glut of senses, the too vivid memories. But there was one difficulty Wanderer didn't expect: the former tenant of her body refusing to relinquish possession of her mind.

Wanderer probes Melanie's thoughts, hoping to discover the whereabouts of the remaining human resistance. Instead, Melanie fills Wanderer's mind with visions of the man Melanie loves—Jared, a human who still lives in hiding. Unable to separate herself from her body's desires, Wanderer begins to yearn for a man she has been tasked with exposing. When outside forces make Wanderer and Melanie unwilling allies, they set off on a dangerous and uncertain search for the man they both love.

Where is the world is my passport?

Theory 1
It is off traveling to exotic places without me. I mean why else could it take so long to get here? Are US Passports made in China and someone is walking over to hand deliver it to me?

Theory 2
The picture they took of me at the post office was so bad that they immediately rejected my passport on the grounds that I look too scary, kind of like a terrorist.
OR…
Maybe it is being passed around to all the Government offices so everyone gets a chance to laugh at the picture.

Theory 3
I have too many unpaid parking tickets and my passport application was denied.

Theory 4
It is in my mailbox still since I have not picked up my mail at all this week.

So it was a good thing I did not have to be somewhere that required a passport in a hurry. I hope it gets here before I am 50, and need a walker to go anywhere.
Hurry up Passport people!
Damn it!