Fetch This

This is Sable and I have to tell you this beetoch is crazy. I can see why she is a member of the I.G.A.A club. She gets up in the morning and puts me right outside. “Damn girl it is cold out there” I wonder how she would like it if I hooked her to a chain and put her outside right after she woke up.

Then she talks to me in this voice a voice that use would use for a baby… I am 32 years old the same age as her for petes sake…. (Who is pete and why do we do things for his sake)

When she gets home from work she takes me to the park and attaches herself to me with a leash so she don’t get lost…I could see the need for this if I could not see the park from the house, but then again she gets lost in a paper bag. Speaking of bag…I always look for the doggie bag when she comes home, she is usually good about bringing me a treat and if it looks like she is not going to give me any I just look at her and say "You going to eat ALL of that?" That usually prompts her to give me at least half.

There are the times she gets lucky and things work in her favor…like when she was actually able to get us back in the house with a screwdriver when she locked us out, however I did almost pee on myself when I saw her so gracefully dive through the open window. She has all the grace and skill of a squirrel on crack. MMMmm I love chasing squirrels…anyway…

Then there was the light bulb incident….when she kept flipping the switch in the bedroom and no light came on (btw she did it at least 3 times, I think I am smarter than her because I figured it out the first time she flipped the switch) she looked at me like I was going to have the answer. I told her “Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs, I am not one of them, and so the question is: how long will it be before I can expect light?” What say we drive down to Petsmart? I bet they have light bulbs there.”

Oh and the prior blog entry about “poor tigger” that is a load of crap. It was not a mess it was ambience.

Well I think I hear thunder and that is a sign that the world is coming to an end and I must go warn her and hide under the table…you should stop reading this and take cover ASAP…gosh, I have to tell people everything. Besides it is TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.*

Killing me softly with their songs!!!

The receptionist at one of my offices is a pop music junkie. I feel a little weird about calling her just “the receptionist” because she does so many other things too. Long gone are the days were you just had one clearly defined job, now you wear many hats and at the same time. I went from having a single job title to having three. I guess this is when I felt the need for a job change.

…anyway back to the pop princess, which I find odd because she is a grandma and a few years older than me but she still listens to pop music, goes to the bar, and loves to get her groove on. Most people I know older than me are into a different genre and don’t listen to rap or pop at all. (Note: I said most not all; I am not here to stereotype people 40+)

She comes in around 8:00am and at 9:00 she is jammin’ I don’t mind this at all, as I like most music and my rock music or indie music is not quite office friendly lyrically speaking. At least at this local pop station she listens to they beep out the swear words. My discontent is with the retarded morning show…do these people not know how to space out songs or do they just cycle between 4 different songs all morning long.

Taylor Swift – Love Song - They play this song so much that I despise this girl for recording it, her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me, and I seriously have to refrain from pitching the radio through the plate glass window and pulling my own hair out…I now understand why some people start cutting, to get rid of the pain.

Akon – I don’t know what this song is called but all it says over and over again is “I want to make love right now now now” – repeat in the area of 5000 times. I am certain this is on a karaoke for dummies cd somewhere. I mean you can’t possibly mess up the lyrics. I used to like Akon but now he drives me nuts.

Spears – Yes he is a Womanizer, get over it. I now get home and this song is forever stuck in my head. I have started signing it to my dog Sable…. Sableizer…Sableizer…your just a Sableizer!

Who is the guy that signs “Love Lock Down” “Your Loves Locked Down” la la la “Love Lock Down” omg… make it stop.

Now, it is not the artists fault that I now detest them, and isn’t the radio supposed to sate my inner music slut??? Well thank you Local Morning Show, you have destroyed any glimmer of hope I had for enjoying music in the morning instead of silence. For Fucks Sakes!!! get some new DJs that can handle more than 4 songs at a time…my ears are bleeding. I think I will go back to silence or just shut my office door and spin my own tunes.

Say hello to my lil friend

Owning a garden gnome is a life long commitment so I am sure that is why my sister got me the trial size version. At first I was not quite sure a gnome was for me I was worried my friends might ostracize me. Saturday I decided to take him out of the box and make a home for him in my plant.

The Gnome:

Since he has been around I have noticed that he is a better conversationalist than the last guy I dated and I think his brain is bigger too. I also think he is nocturnal he does not seem to do much during the day. But last night I woke up to a thud and I am not sure who the guilty party is but one of my candle holders was upside down.

Photo Evidence:
When I flipped on the light both the gnome and Sable looked equally guilty…the gnome sitting in the plant and Sable on her bed.

So anyway am I supposed to name this gnome?

Do gnomes have names?

I don’t know I am a first time gnome owner, I thought this ill book that came with him was a manual but it is not it just talks about gnome facts, and urban legends, and gnome-napping… good thing he seems pretty low-maintenance, and I hope he brings a lil luck to my plant.

R is for RAWR!!!

I got the letter R from “GottaLoveMe” stop by and check out her blog, I am sure she will have some exciting posts when she gets back from her family vacation at Disney.

Well without futher delay here are my R words.

Racy – Because I can be a bit racy at times underneath my innocent exterior

Resilient – No matter what happens or how long I am down I seem to find a way to bounce back

Revel – I like to raise hell

Ridiculous – I get into the most ridiculous situations

Rogue – I like to travel against the current

Ramble – I digress a lot (have you read my blog)

Rain – I want to go dance in the rain (naked)

Rare – I am one of a kind

Random – I am totally random at times

Rawr – Grrr baby Grrrrr!

If you want a letter let me know. I will send one your way.

I like Lemonade!

Just wanted to thank

Just Jen

And

Wondy

For this wonderful award.

I have been feeling a bit odd lately and I was kinda disappointed my ranking had dropped over at humor blogs, but I was looking back and realized I have really gained a lot of readers. I love all the comments you leave and to me your witty and wise comments are way better than any rating on a blog website.

Thank you so much to all my readers for taking the time to read and comment, I love them all.

Saying vs. Thinking

I am a professional people pleaser at work, well to be totally honest…in life. I just got a call today that I was accepted for a new job that I applied for [YAY –good news] and the HR person said she is so happy for me and she knows I will be a fantastic addition to this new department. She also warned me that I was too nice and I will need to eventually hand off my current job, she fears they will still call and ask me for things and that I am too nice and will not say “no”(she knows me well and she is right). Some days my image would be shattered if they knew what I was really thinking, but would never say.

“Thank you for calling, can I help you?”
Really means: What the heck do you want?

“No I’m not busy”
Really means: Yes I am busy what do you think I am doing, reading blogs or something?

“Wow nice tie”
Really means: I have a review next month, or I need a favor.

“That a great idea”
Really means: That is a great idea…unless it involves me doing more work to implement the idea, if that is the case it means it is a bad idea

“I can do that for you”
Really means: why can’t you manage your time better so I don’t have to do everything for you?”

“Sure I can show you how to do that again”
Really means: how many times do I have to show you how to do this? Do you really have the memory of a goldfish and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time?

“Just a sec, I will put the toner in your printer for you”
Really means: Is it really that hard for you to grasp the concept of changing a printer cartridge? Or is it you just don’t want to get your pretty little man hands dirty?

“Sure I will deliver this package on my way home”
Really means: I am not wearing any brown, why are you confusing me with UPS?

I guess I sorta of feel guilty for thinking such things, and I should probably change my wicked ways. I will put that on my “Things To Do” list for tomorrow.

“I will put that on my Things To Do list for tomorrow”
Really means: Ha! Tomorrow never comes.

What was that?

I am sitting at work today and everyone is at lunch. That is when I heard it.

“Bang…bang…Bang”

I look to my left and I don’t see anything. I get back to what I was working on and then I hear it again.

“Bang…bang…bang…Bang”

I get up and go over to the other side of the office begin to investigate. That is when I heard it again. I saw it was the metal floor heater thing and actually saw it move. I totally freaked out thinking there was a giant rat, squirrel, who knows what trapped in there and wanting out. I kicked it and it “banged” again. I ran back to the other side of the office and called the facilities guy.

“Hi this is “Siren” help me there is some beast trapped in the floor heater and it keeps banging trying to get out. Hurry before it gets out and attacks me.”

Ten minutes later I am on top of my desk watching, two guys from facilities show up. They waited and watched and then it happened again.

“Bang Bang”

I point at the heater and they start laughing at me, I glared at them as if to say…this is not a time for jokes!!! They assure me it is safe so I get off the desk and they proceed to explain that the pipes in there expand and the pressure is what is making the banging noise, when it happens again all I have to do is turn this bleeder valve thingy and it will stop. So they turn it for me this time, since I am still a little leery about sticking my hand anywhere near that thing. They left thanking me for the funniest thing that has happened to them in a while. Later that day, I had 3 other people ask me about the floor heater in the first floor office, I guess news travels fast.

How was I supposed to know…ugh!