I have many hobbies one of them is a computer game called FFXI (Final Fantasy 11) I have a character named Sirensong. My in-game self is what you would call a healing class; most the jobs I have leveled are healing/support. I guess the reason I am telling you this is that in the game I am the healer, the protector, and the lifeline to the group. Which is so much different than I am in real life. You see in real life I walk around with bruises of the rawest sort,
I am wounded and knocked down. I let the smallest things people say and do affect me. I take things right to the heart, knowing I should not care. I meet new men that seem so great but I push them away knowing at some point in the future they will walk out of my life, so better to push them away now than suffer the heart break down the road. I invest time and effort into people who would not do the same for me.Now Sirensong has spells she can cast to protect herself. Things that I wish I had in real life. I am not going to go into all of them here but these I could use right now:
“Stoneskin” if I had stone skin I would not feel so much and I would not take the blows so internally.
“Protectra 5” now this spell is cool because not only does it protect me, but it protects all who are linked to me. I would love to be able to cast this spell and protect my whole family.
There are healing spells to fix wounds and cure aliments and there are spells that I have to raise you when you are K.O.’d there are even spells I have where I can just teleport and get away. These would all be cool to have…but I don’t so I have to figure out better ways to protect myself and I guess that is why they call me the “Blizzaga Princess” because the only why I know how to protect myself is not let anyone close enough to hurt me.
There is a song by Alix Olsen called Warriors and I hope what she says is right (a few lines)
"It’s the waves that let you know the ocean’s alive. So, we’ve gotta go deep. We gotta use our black and blues like a second skin,Let our bruises thicken,Then begin again.We gotta get up when we’re pushed to the ground,They aint gonna hear us if we’re screaming face down.We gotta rise to double the size of our sound.You know warriors are better the second time around."
I know I write about just of the silly side of me on this blog and I joke about most parts of my life, it is the only way I can deal. It is much more healthy for me to make fun of myself or find the humor in things than to add them to the long list of things I have failed at in life.
Imperfectly yours,
"It’s the waves that let you know the ocean’s alive. So, we’ve gotta go deep. We gotta use our black and blues like a second skin,Let our bruises thicken,Then begin again.We gotta get up when we’re pushed to the ground,They aint gonna hear us if we’re screaming face down.We gotta rise to double the size of our sound.You know warriors are better the second time around."
I know I write about just of the silly side of me on this blog and I joke about most parts of my life, it is the only way I can deal. It is much more healthy for me to make fun of myself or find the humor in things than to add them to the long list of things I have failed at in life.
Imperfectly yours,
Siren
Much of how I based my own character came from my own life and past experiences, so I totally get what you're saying. I really do think it is why a good percentage of the player base choose the roles in the game that they do.
ReplyDeletei can totally relate. there have definitely been times i wished for the ability to cast something like a stoneskin spell on myself. but the bad part about not feeling anything is that you end up keeping out the good as well...
ReplyDelete(nuzzle)
ReplyDeleteleft you something over at my blog
ReplyDeletewow!
ReplyDeletethis was different.
sorcerer
www.evilsfury.blogspot.com
I totally understand how you feel. I think everyone has felt that way from time to time. What I wouldn't give to just be able to snap my fingers and end up on a deserted tropical island for a few days to escape reality. If you find a way to do it, let me know! I think it's ok to be fragile and vulnerable occasionally. Your friends in the blogosphere are better able to know who you are this way, and then they usually offer advice for pulling through. Keep on keepin' on, girl. Life will get easier!
ReplyDeleteI can understand how you feel also...I used to feel the same way.
ReplyDeleteRight up until the point that I got myself a new suit, some make up and a whole new attitude.
I just decided that I was not going to put myself down anymore. There are so many people that put me down, I decided not to join them.
I replied to your post on my blog, by the way....
No second blog necessary - only 1 out of 10 of mine are actually funny, but that's a side-note - I think you're awesome and I wish I could protect you from all these bastards that are aim'n to bring you pain - you'll have to settle for "you're in my thoughts" - hope that's enough for tonight love.
ReplyDeleteIt's the small imperfections and flaws that make us who we are.
ReplyDeleteIf not for that, we might all just decide to be cookie-cutter people playing in a candyland type of world.
Thank God that you've at least got some outlets for the frustration and aggravations in life, otherwise Ted Bundy would have some serious competition, now wouldn't he?
Keep on being you!
I sabatage realtionships. I'll either push them away or hurt them before they can hurt me. At times I wish I didn't have thick skin...it would be nice to be able to just feel.
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