What the BEEP!

I love to cook and I can cook very well (thanks mom) however since my divorce I have been having very little to do with the oven. Well I decided to make pizza this weekend. So I made the dough, sauce and the other toppings. I forgot how much Sable likes when I cook too since I drop so much stuff on the floor. Well the pizza was looking so yummy so I preheated the oven and went to find a movie to put in, I grabbed the pillows and blanket off my bed and grabbed a Smirnoff Ice. (yeah am not a beer drinker) I was ready. The oven beeps when it is pre-heated, however “beep” is an understatement. It sounds more like the beeping that occurs when a mac truck decides to go in reverse. Scared me to death. (I am certain both neighbors knew it was preheated too) Well I pick up the pizza stone and my masterpiece and place it in the oven, set the timer and put the movie in. It was not even 7 minutes and I smell burning… this possessed oven from hell did not burn my pizza the stone barely had time to heat up. I open the oven and this intense heat comes out and smacks me in the face. Then the smoke detector starts screaming at me too. I pull out the pizza and then hit the switch on the fan over the stove then I run into the hallway and wave around the pot holder like a manic under the smoke detector. By this time someone is knocking on the door….so I run to the door and it is Mr. McCreepy “Are you ok?” he almost knocks me down trying to get in the door, Sable is barking and the smoke detector starts going off again… then the timer to let me know the pizza was done… Sable is still barking and now Mr. McCreepy is standing in my apartment. “Do you need any help?” I got all the beeping to stop and Sable is quieted to a growl. I assured him I did not. The I saw his eyes looking up and down me and all over the apartment. Then they stopped on the coffee table, and he just stared. So I looked down at the coffee table too, and there it was… the barbell. Oh my gawd! Great! Well lets hope like hell he did not know what it was, I cleared my throat and he then invited me over for a drink, I declined for the 500th time and told him I was getting ready to go out. Somehow with the movie, pillows, blanket…I am certain he did not believe me. Lets hope he gets the clue this time and realizes I blew him off for a sex toy.

Peace Out!