It is 16 days till Anti-Valentines Day, but don’t worry I am here to give you some tips to have the best Anti-Valentines Day ever.
-Two words Get Drunk. Getting drunk would be the best way to make valentines tolerable. I didn’t say it was the smartest, but it is effective.
-Total up how much your male friends spent on their loved one today. Text, call, or e-mail them with the amount, and tell them that next year they will have to spend even more, sacrificing themselves to the black hole of consumer debt or they will be seen as not as attentive as this year. Laughing with a wicked undertone is highly recommended.
-Dress sexy in Black and then waltz by all the couples humming “Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot like Me.” I don’t know who sings this song but I have heard it on the radio. Black will counter all the damn pink and red.
-Hold an Anti-Valentines day party.
-If you are in the mood for love that day in Latin America Valentine’s Day is “El día del amor y la amidstad” (the day of love and friendship), meaning they party down for all forms of love, not just romantic. So hold a Latin Love Fest for all your non-romantic loves.
-Rent a comedy or action film and watch it while eating a container of ice cream (flavor is up to you, personally I prefer chocolate marshmallow)
-Love yourself, go get flowers, your hair done, nails done, spa treatment, hot bath, black candles, sex toys…whatever you enjoy and treat yourself.
-Avoid going out to eat, there will only be couples there. Order in or just put some popcorn in the microwave to go with the movie, chances are you will not feel like cooking.
-Know that you can rest easy that you will not be the one staring at a box of chocolates that weighs a pound, however if you eat it your @ss will magically gain 3 pounds. Staring at it will still cause your @ss to gain 1 pound. If this makes you feel better you should probably avoid the ice cream in the tip above.
-Just treat it like any other day and Celebrate February 15th instead “Saint Skeletor Day” the nemesis of Saint Valentine. Saint Skeletor's Day is the non-sappy alternative to Valentine's Day, named in honor of that champion of evil, Skeletor!!! (you know the fictional character from the Masters of the Universe, the arch-enemy and main antagonist of He-man. The Evil Lord of Destruction) After all love is evil!
-Two words Get Drunk. Getting drunk would be the best way to make valentines tolerable. I didn’t say it was the smartest, but it is effective.
-Total up how much your male friends spent on their loved one today. Text, call, or e-mail them with the amount, and tell them that next year they will have to spend even more, sacrificing themselves to the black hole of consumer debt or they will be seen as not as attentive as this year. Laughing with a wicked undertone is highly recommended.
-Dress sexy in Black and then waltz by all the couples humming “Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot like Me.” I don’t know who sings this song but I have heard it on the radio. Black will counter all the damn pink and red.
-Hold an Anti-Valentines day party.
-If you are in the mood for love that day in Latin America Valentine’s Day is “El día del amor y la amidstad” (the day of love and friendship), meaning they party down for all forms of love, not just romantic. So hold a Latin Love Fest for all your non-romantic loves.
-Rent a comedy or action film and watch it while eating a container of ice cream (flavor is up to you, personally I prefer chocolate marshmallow)
-Love yourself, go get flowers, your hair done, nails done, spa treatment, hot bath, black candles, sex toys…whatever you enjoy and treat yourself.
-Avoid going out to eat, there will only be couples there. Order in or just put some popcorn in the microwave to go with the movie, chances are you will not feel like cooking.
-Know that you can rest easy that you will not be the one staring at a box of chocolates that weighs a pound, however if you eat it your @ss will magically gain 3 pounds. Staring at it will still cause your @ss to gain 1 pound. If this makes you feel better you should probably avoid the ice cream in the tip above.
-Just treat it like any other day and Celebrate February 15th instead “Saint Skeletor Day” the nemesis of Saint Valentine. Saint Skeletor's Day is the non-sappy alternative to Valentine's Day, named in honor of that champion of evil, Skeletor!!! (you know the fictional character from the Masters of the Universe, the arch-enemy and main antagonist of He-man. The Evil Lord of Destruction) After all love is evil!
If cupids arrow hits you this Valentines Day go get a tetanus shot!!!
pussy cat dolls sings that song.
ReplyDeleteand this sounds like a great plan for anti-valentines celebrations. who came up with this stupid commercialized "holiday" anyway?
Sucks that you are so Anti-Valentines day. I dont really make a big deal about...nor does my husband....But this year will be the best ever cause we will be in Disneyland with our kids! YIPPEE~~
ReplyDeleteProblem with solution #1:
ReplyDeleteGetting drunk usually leads to lapses in judgement, which then can lead to the nasty "Morning After" scenario that most folks wish to avoid.
Knowing how much some folks spend on Valentine's day is kind of weird, to be honest. I know that you could buy a medium-sized country from just the US commerce alone!
Jaime's Right.. Pussycat Dolls sing the "Don't 'Cha" song.
For the rest, I recommend about two hours at a local spa, followed by some GREAT takeout, and a rented movie. Then, if you STILL feel the need to get drunk, you can tie one on AT HOME, and not worry about some awkward social situation later on.
See if these can be used to good effect Siren!
Oh, and my wife's right. We'll be spending the day in Disneyland, so I'm wondering just how decorated and sickening it's seriously going to be there.. You know how those marketing folks are......
I thought one pound of chocolate resulted in a 5 pound weight gain? Three pounds so much better...but how the heck does that happen anyway?
ReplyDeleteMy partner's birthday is the day before anti-Valentines day, so it's a really fun time for me. Yeah.
ReplyDelete*snicker* You're hatred for this made-up-holiday is cute. Charming actually. I especially like the idea of humming the Pussy Cat Dolls song.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I'll partake in this day. I plan on making a delicious red velvet cake wrapped in kit kat bars and pretend its for my husband. :)
Jamie - Ah that is who it is.
ReplyDeleteGottaluvme - I hope that you, hubby and the kids have a fanstastic time in Disney. I cant wait for you to blog about it.
Jorm - Never get that drunk, so dont need to worry about it.
Daniel - wow maybe it is 5 lbs. eeep!
A Free Man - yikes you will have to be extra romantic
Random Moments - wow that cake sounds awesome.
Thanks for all the comments this post is all in fun and I wish you lots and lots of love on Valentines day. (gag!)
I have a boyfriend - Mr. rabbit vibrator
ReplyDeleteI can totally see you strutting in your black dress, all their heads turning!
ReplyDeleteFor the record...if I had someone to spend V-day with, I would so be forcing him to spoil me. Maybe next year will be our year!
LOL! My word verification is "micant" as in... "mi(me) can't" get a date for valentines!