So the last time I got my walking papers it was over the phone. The relationship had lasted quite a while.
HIM: I am sorry I just don’t think this is going to work any longer, I need to get my life together and I don’t think I will be ready for a serious relationship for at least 3 to 5 years.
ME: Prison?
HIM: “…”
Actually I did not really hear too much after that, all I know is that I got “The Speech” are males pre-programmed to deliver the speech? Do they come equiped with it from the womb. I know they each put their own little spin on it, but I am really beginning to dislike it.
So maybe I have been a bit bitter or turned off to the whole dating thing and my friend is fed up with me being a hermit for most of 2008. I got to work Thursday morning and she forced me to go out with her this weekend…by weekend I mean we started it Thursday night and I also went out Friday night, Saturday night and now I have plans for tonight. (Sunday she let me rest) The problem with this plan is I don’t think I want to pick up a man at a bar. Last time I began a relationship with a man at the bar, the first time I let him come to my house he took a shit in my toilet, and it was as big as my leg.
HIM: “Dude, come look at this! Do you think it will go down?”
ME: “…”
Ok so that time, I was the one that delivered the speech
I was thinking about this “its not you, its me” speech and I thought about the time I used it, I said “its not you, your great, its just I am not ready…” well I lied and it really was him (no it was not over the poop show and tell) So all the times I got the speech and the guy said "its not you" it really was me, and i guess all logic would support that fact seeing as how the only common thing in all my failed relationships is me.
News Flash:
I am not perfect and I have my share of idiot moments, but I figure if that can’t handle me at my worst, they sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
So on that note I am seeking a Super Sexy Boggie Man Slayer (a.k.a Lovey Dovey Bedtime Player) who can take the good with the bad and love me anyway.
HIM: I am sorry I just don’t think this is going to work any longer, I need to get my life together and I don’t think I will be ready for a serious relationship for at least 3 to 5 years.
ME: Prison?
HIM: “…”
Actually I did not really hear too much after that, all I know is that I got “The Speech” are males pre-programmed to deliver the speech? Do they come equiped with it from the womb. I know they each put their own little spin on it, but I am really beginning to dislike it.
So maybe I have been a bit bitter or turned off to the whole dating thing and my friend is fed up with me being a hermit for most of 2008. I got to work Thursday morning and she forced me to go out with her this weekend…by weekend I mean we started it Thursday night and I also went out Friday night, Saturday night and now I have plans for tonight. (Sunday she let me rest) The problem with this plan is I don’t think I want to pick up a man at a bar. Last time I began a relationship with a man at the bar, the first time I let him come to my house he took a shit in my toilet, and it was as big as my leg.
HIM: “Dude, come look at this! Do you think it will go down?”
ME: “…”
Ok so that time, I was the one that delivered the speech
I was thinking about this “its not you, its me” speech and I thought about the time I used it, I said “its not you, your great, its just I am not ready…” well I lied and it really was him (no it was not over the poop show and tell) So all the times I got the speech and the guy said "its not you" it really was me, and i guess all logic would support that fact seeing as how the only common thing in all my failed relationships is me.
News Flash:
I am not perfect and I have my share of idiot moments, but I figure if that can’t handle me at my worst, they sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
So on that note I am seeking a Super Sexy Boggie Man Slayer (a.k.a Lovey Dovey Bedtime Player) who can take the good with the bad and love me anyway.
fairytales start when you arent't looking for them and when you least expect it... : )
ReplyDeleteditto what Melissa said. Not that that really helps... but it seems to be true. Love is all inconvenient like that.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry about it. Just go find the local mall's Santa Claus and tickle his ... fancy.
ReplyDeleteFather Muskrat ~ You know I think i will go do that, i need to remind him what I want for Christmas!
ReplyDeleteSiren - Most men haven't gotten over the first, ultimate rejection - the fact that we were warm and happy and fed for 9 months and then expelled from the womb with a lot of screaming, yelling and white-hot blinding light in our little eyes.....I'm just kidding I'm not into that Freudian BS - Men are assholes, always have been always will be, except for those of us with a stray ovary :)
ReplyDeleteVerification word: itiketia as in "itiketia touching yourself?"
ReplyDelete