Mixed Up

You know it is tradition to get up early and open presents in my family. My Grandpa used to get us up at about 5am and then he passed the torch to my sister who has now taken the roll up getting us up at 5am to open presents. I don’t remember the jingle bells being that annoying when my grandpa used to do it, but I was younger then.

Anyway I hit the jackpot this year and I will blog about that later. (I get spoiled every year… still…maybe this is part of the reason neither my sister or I want to have kids, because then we would stop being spoiled and they would spoil the kids). In my pile of presents my sister got me some “Lush” tins, well I did not pay attention and I smelled them they smelled delicious. So I opened it and put the lip gloss on my lips. Later after walking Sable and having breakfast I grabbed the other tin and put it on my lips… even though it smelled great it tasted like ick… I was certain I would not be wearing that one anymore. Later my sister asked how I liked them and I said you know the one called “Let Them Eat Cake” was great, but the Snow Fairy one smelled good but did not taste so good. She looked at me and started cracking up…that is because that one is perfume.

She was still laughing as I tried to explain, my body was in motion but my brain was still zzz….

Anyway so now I love them both…
Not only are my lips smooth and delicious, but I smell great too.

Foamy Wraith

I got this new toothpaste; I saw the commercial on TV and knew I wanted to try it. It looked like it would really work. It is called Aqua Fresh Iso-Active and it foams. So I get some and bring it home and I have to try it right away. So I go to put it on my brush and it looks like green gel. I started brushing and it started foaming…. And foaming…there was so much foamy wraith in my mouth that it was just pouring out of my mouth and into the sink. Pretty soon the bathroom looked like one of those foam dance pits. The more I brushed, the more foam was created…I think I was brushing for 30 minutes to get it all out. So it seems I may of put a little too much on my brush… I think i will try a little less tomorrow.

Speaking of foamy wraith:
Do you like Foamy the Squirrel?

A Message from Sable:

Overtime

Yesterday turned out to be a good day. I did not think in light of the economy and the cutting of jobs and overtime that we were going to get Christmas bonuses this year. Money is always a good thing especially when you are not expecting it.

Then as I was leaving last night I was talking to my boss and telling her I wish I could work Saturday and get my some stuff done. She looked at me and said go ahead. She said I could work the overtime as much as I needed. I am sorry I don’t mean to sound greedy but when I got divorced and paid for a house on my own for a year and lawyers I had depleted my savings account. So now that I am independent it is important to me to be “set financially” I like to have my own money in my pocket and money in savings for emergencies. This overtime is just a bonus.

Anyway what was I talking about….oh yeah….
I am guessing I have over 1000 people in my queue, which is job security, but that is 1000 people/families that collections efforts have failed on and are about to lose their home. I don’t care who you are even if you are a scrooge; you have to feel bad when people lose their home. No matter if it is a trailer, a mansion or a shoe… to them it is still home and nothing says Merry Christmas like foreclosure. I am thinking that is why I am not in the Christmas spirit this year.

I need to get gifts for my mom, dad and grandma…but what do you get for the people who have EVERYTHING. Tomorrow I have to go to the mall…I hate the mall and even hate it more this time of year when stores are so crazy. I like to know what I want to get before I go so I can get in and get the hell out. Speed shopping is my kind of shopping, I know… how un-female of me. Whatever, there are just more important things to do with my time.

Well I am off to work for a little while, and I am going to take Sable with me… that big building is kinda creepy when I am the only one there, I hear all kinds of noises. It’s an old historic building so who knows…I might not be alone “spooky” If there is ghosts there I hope they help me get my work done.

Say Thanks!

XEROX IS DOING SOMETHING GREAT

If you go to this web site:

http://www.letssaythanks.com/

you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq.

You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to a member of the armed services.

How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!!

It is FREE and it only takes about 10 seconds.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our soldiers over there need to know we are behind them.

We can never say enough thank you's.

Thanks for taking to time to support the US Armed Services!

Is today over yet?

Yeah today felt like this....

I feel so frustrated today; I don’t know what is wrong with me. Today was the first big snow fall of the year and it is amazing how some people forget how to drive in the snow every single summer.

Sable had fun making paw prints is the snow, again I think she is designing some crop circles for the mother ship to come pick her up, but she tries this every winter…so far she is still stuck with me.

Then I get to work and they have upgraded our Windows so the ours emails lost the privacy statement and they moved all the applications that were on the desktop into a folder called “Application” I have another new password so I think the brings the total to 4850 now. I lost all my printers so I was looking to see if they issued us slate tablets and chisels, since they count the amount of pages we print every month… when I decided to call the helpdesk and ask WTF…? He asked me if I read the 2nd attachment to the 4th email they sent out about the upgrade… (There was a long silence on my end) so he shadowed my computer and got me connected.

Today was also the day for whiners, I don’t know if I am supposed to feel sorry for them for getting in over their head financially or to start plotting revenge on the loan officers that pushed them into the loan anyway. I am what you call a loan modification specialist… I am desperately trying to fix the damage… sometimes people are just nasty and mean and I have to send them to foreclosure. Believe me when I tell you I have heard it ALL… Sometimes I have to come home and just have a drink. Maybe by the time this mess is all fixed I will have to join AA.

If you have not noticed my second blog I had taken this photography class but I ran out of stuff to take pictures of since I have not gone anywhere and now it is getting cold and snowy, so I decided to start a project on that blog. I am doing the ABC’s of me. So I am taking some pictures to practice my newly learned skills. My grand plan of this project is to get better. But who knows… now I am just idiot girl with a camera.

So anyway I don’t know why I am so flustered today, maybe it is a lack of sex. Oh and my vibrator broke, so that has pissed me off… I guess I will have to order a new one. A Christmas gift to myself!

Love Yourself

When I was younger I hated my freckles. I remember thinking boys don't like freckles. I even tried every night for a month scrubbing my face trying to get them off. I wanted an anti "freckle juice" (Do any of you remember that story?) I will never forget the time my mom took me to the doctors and I sat up on the table and asked my doctor how to get my freckles off. He proceeded to tell me I could not take them off, it is where angels kissed me. I slept with one eye open for a week making sure I was not assualted with any more angel kisses across my nose than I already had. Even now days I think I have trouble coming across as cute vs sexy. I always hear "you are so cute" and I was convinced it is because of the freckles. Then Victorias Secret came out with this...
Marisa Miller... She has freckles and men think she is sexy... it is not the Maxim "Cute" 100 list she made. Maybe I need a "How to be Sexy for Dummies" since I can no longer blame my freckles for my sexy-less-ness (yes i just invented that word) I feel like I should have out grown "cute" a while ago. I guess I will have to learn to come to terms with myself and know my freckles are exactly where they are supposed to be.

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?

My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows

But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the game

A misconception, a vast deception Something's gotta change

but, Don't be offended this is all my opinion ain't nothing that I'm sayin law

This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with y'all

So get in where you fit in go on and shine

Clear your mind, now's the time

Put your salt on the shelf

Go on and love yourself'

Cuz everything's gonna be all right

~India.Arie

Making my Own Christmas Cards

Ryan went back home today, guess that is the suck (no pun intended from prior post) part of long distance relationships. I hope after him having a front row seat to all my idiot girl adventures he will be back sometime. My dad met me today to go shopping for my mom. She told me she wanted a gift card for the Sephora store. She loves that makeup.Around here this brand is only carried in the Sephora Shops at JC Pennys in the mall. I took my dad to two different malls looking for this store... neither one had it, the one said they will have it is Spring 2010. Well that does not do us any good now. This is not funny seeing as how neither me or my dad like shopping. My dad looks at me and says while we are getting in the car to go to the third mall ... will the Sephora store take the JC Penny gift cards sicne they are part of JC Penny... I did not know so I called the Sephora store and asked the associate if the Sephora shop will take the JC Pennys gift card, she said they did. Disaster avoided...So we went back in and he got a gift card dodging a trip to the other mall. I ran into Old Navy and got my sister a gift card while he was doing that. Then we went to Target and got my mom and the Wii Fit Plus. Now I just have to get something for my dad... and I have no idea what to get him. He likes gadgets and things... I will keep looking but since my sister is flying in on the 19th and we are having Christmas on the 20th, I dont have much time.

FYI: We went to Chilis and got some lunch, and I have to say that is the most disgusting cole slaw I have ever tasted.

He dropped me off back at the apartment and it is so quiet right now, Sable had a "Frosty Paw" and is now napping. I have been busy making Christmas Cards. Here is some of my handywork.

Yeah I was to lazy to focus.

A not so well placed tear.

I was trying to make these pizza roll things so Ry and I could curl up on the couch with snacks/dinner and watch a movie. I tear open the bag, dump them out on the baking sheet and flatten the bag to look at how long to cook them for. Well in true idiot girl fashion i tore the bag right though the directions, more specfically though the cooking time. Good thing I know some Spanish since those directions were still intact.

9 to 10 minutes later, i peeked in the oven to see the pizza rolls exploded out the ends...so i was thinking 7 to 8 minutes may have been better. Oh well we ate them anyway. (yes, i do cook...we were just being lazy today)

Ok...
So I was looking back and I have had like one post a month and I have been having a really hard time getting abck to blogging. I am not sure if it has been the holidays, photography classes, scrap booking... anyway I will try to do better.

Attacked!

Yeah so it has been a month…

There is so much idiocy that I need to tell you about and I think now would be a good time. November 4th was my birthday, I was so happy to get scrap booking gift certificates to use, Ryan got me a beautiful sparkly new bracelet, my sister sent me some cool stuff and my mom and dad gave me money.

My photography class is over and I learned so much so I have been taking photos and things. I learned a lot. There is so much I don’t know so I think I will take the photography II class. This is where I learn manual mode… yeah… I bet there will be a lot of blurry shots.

Oh did you all eat massive amounts of Turkey?

Took Sable to the dog park and Cujo was there…he saw Sable and tried to bite her lil face off…
(Insert me running, screaming and having a full on freak out here)
My princess!!!!…
He nipped her eye or under her eye, but I did not see it until the next day. I inspected her at the dog park when the incident occurred but it looked fine, just drooled on. The next morning I noticed she had some swelling and dripping, but she was not pawing at it and it did not seem to bother her, since it was a Sunday I decided if it looked worse on Monday I would take her to the vet. Thankfully Monday it looked much better and she did not seem to care at all…so I bypassed the vet visit. I think I will opt for the Rail Trail in the future, where the biggest threat is grandma’s on bikes and rollerbladers. I am not so sure I trust other dogs at the dog park anymore.

It happened so fast I am glad she was not seriously injured. I have never felt so helpless.

Oh and the icing on the cake…Ryan was here visiting so he got to witness first hand my “doggie mom” freak out. Embarrassing!

Human Pin Cushion

I finally broke down and went to the doctor, normally I only go when I have too, you know for birth control and stuff…. Well I have been miserable for years with chronic sinus issues, breathing at times, and ear and throat infections. My doctor finally though it might be a good idea to send me to an ENT. In the last month I must have been to that place once a week. I had the initial appointment where I was examined, they cut some skin from the inside of my ear, there is nothing like having someone stab you in the ear with a large needle. WTF! (This is why I don’t go to Doctors they are always inventing new ways to inflict pain)

The next appointment was a cat scan, talk about freak out… I had one of those before and they injected some dye in me and I had such a severe reaction that I ended up staying in the hospital. So I told them no way on the dye, they said they were just scanning my head so there was no need. Flashing lights, spinning, moving table, and a few loud noises later I was done.

The next appointment I got to see the cat scan, I was relieved that my brain was in there and it was not a little hamster asleep on the wheel. However it was very clear to the doctor that I had sinus issues. Ok… I knew that before the very expensive CAT scan…thank gawd for insurance. He starts talking about surgery; I was ready to run out. I told him that I was not big on going under the knife.

So to make a long story short I will skip the next 3 appointments, I was poked with 38 needles and a ton test prongs, it turns out I have off the chart allergies. All kinds of Grass, Weeds, Summer Flowers, cats, dust, dust mites, cottonwood, mold… it is a long list. The best part is off all the pokes I had a reaction too the dog one stayed flat. I am not allergic to sable.

I have to use an inhaler if I go on wooded hikes, or am around certain types of grasses that are worse than others, for example Timothy Grass and Rag Weed, I will have to goggle that so I know what they like. I have to go every 4th day to get an allergy shot in both arms.

I have opted not to go under the knife for the sinus issues for now. I guess if it gets worse I will have too, but for now I will just try to get these allergies under control and hope that helps.

AHhhChooo!

Command Team...Really?

Do you get overloaded with email at work? Well in addition to my 100 emails a day I am now flooded with emails from the command team…

The first email was this link http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/
This was followed by
Updates
The command Team Methodology
Employee Absenteeism Policy Related to Pandemic Flu
All Employees Memos
Clean Hands Save Lives
A Massive container of Clorox Wipes (really I could hardly lift it) delivered to my desk
A huge bottle of Purell hand sanitizer delivered to my desk
A shipment of Kleenex to the office

I feel like I have been over exposed to H1N1 information it makes me want to rent a bubble… you know like in that movie “Bubble Boy”?

So complete schools have been closing down in the area so we got an email about NOT coming to work when we are sick and having to have a Doctors note to come back to work…then the command team has informed us that if we get the flu they have made arrangement for all of us to work from home, and provided us with posters on how to wash our hands. I am beginning to wonder if they are going to convert the elevator into a decontamination chamber.

Anyway… now that I have been armed with Clorox wipes, Kleenex, hand sanaitizer and schooled on the proper way to wash my hands I am sure I will not be getting the swine flu.

Thank you command team!

Jail Break

Well I found out what happens when you have unpaid parking tickets today. I have to admit I am horrible with my mail, as in going to get it and actually opening it. I had this letter sitting on my kitchen counter for about 2 weeks and I decided that it did not look like junk mail after all and opened it.

It read:

September 14, 2009

Dear Idiot Girl,

Blah… blah… blah…Downtown development…blah…blah...unpaid parking tickets in 2008…blah blah... you have 14 days to pay [begins counting in fingers-uh oh! today is the 14th day hope that means business days] …blah blah...reported to the police….warrant issued…..arrest….revoked drivers license…blah blah blah..additional $45 dollar fee….
I went to city hall today and paid for all the parking tickets I had received in 2008 and two in 2009. It was a pretty hefty bill so it looks like Sable and I will be living on noodles for the next two weeks, but that has got to be better than prison food, and with my idiot girl luck that is where I would be, and orange is just not my color.
Actually I am kind of glad I have it resolved and hopefully there is no warrant for me, I think I will keep the paid receipt in my glove box for a while just to be safe.

Nothing Lasts Forever

Sunday was quiet for me, just reading and listening to some Rumi. Thought I would share.

Nothing lasts forever
No one lives forever
Keep that in mind…
In love
Our life is not the same old burden
Our path Is not the same long journey
A flower fades and dies
We must pause to weave perfection in music
Keep that in mind…
In love
Love droops towards its sunset we drown in the golden shadows
Love must be called from its plane
Love must be born again to be free
Keep that in mind…
In love
Let us hurry to gather our flowers before they are plundered by the passing winds
It quickens our blood and brightens our eyes to snatch kisses that would vanish if we delayed
Our life is eager
Our desires are many
Our time moves by
Keep that in mind…
In love
Beauty is sweet for a short time
And then it is gone
Knowledge is precious
But we will never have time to complete it
All is done and finished in eternal Heaven
But our life here is eternally fresh
Keep that in mind…
In love

Fat

Does anyone really think of the down side of being thin? In this world where it is imperative for you to wear size 4 jeans and be exactly 5’ 10” tall to snag a man or to keep your current man happy. I don’t look like Kate Moss where a strong wind will carry me away, I guess that means I need to start researching chub-chasers on Craig’s list, but with my luck I would lose weight and then lose him too.

I don’t understand why there is so much pressure to be skinny. I have watched models on TV and when they turn sideways you can’t even see them. How in the hell do they cross the street safely? I guess that explains the over sized purses so you don’t completely lose a visual on them when they turn to the side.

It could get mildly annoying if one minute you are standing there talking to them and the next the have fallen between the cracks in the sidewalk.

I guess on the up side for males they can buy a piece of lettuce for dinner and their date would be all set for the night. Cheap dates are great right?

Dinner for four

Of course sex is probably better with a skeleton you could get in all these crazy positions, protruding bones could just add to the “I like my pleasure spiked with pain” type of person. I don’t know, I think if I was that skinny I would miss my boobs… a lot. Of course you can get fake boobs, and you might as well get fake hair and nails too, since lettuce does not really contain all the vitamins and minerals needed to sustain healthy nail and hair growth.

In conclusion I don’t think being model skinny is all it is cracked up to be.

Thief!

I woke up this morning only to discover someone has stole my voice in the night, I think it was one of the bad fairies but I have no solid confirmation. I go to work for 2 hours thinking my voice will come back and I try to call a few people but I am so squeaky and the people on the other end of the phone all say the same things:

“Well at least I am doing better than you”
“Why are you at work?”
“Don’t you feel good?”
“You sound sick”

It is clear I am not going to make any progress at work if I have to answer questions or explain why I am there all day long.

“Well I came in today because I thought work would make me feel better”
“I thought talking all day on the phone would bring my voice back”

Yeah…it just does not make sense

Hell I did not even know why I was at work so how could I explain it to them. I emailed my boss and left, stuck out my tongue at the parking nazi as I got in the car. Sable was so excited when I got home; until I curled up on the couch with this book I just got called “The Host”. I woke up every 2 hours last night…Each time I woke up Sable was staring at me. The first time I took her out. The next time I woke up I noticed she was staring at her water dish and then me. The third time she wanted to go out again probably since she was out of water again. It was a rough night so maybe I will take a nap instead

Wow I want pizza.

Ok… nap then pizza.
I don’t foresee any idiot girl adventures today, but who knows…I’ll keep you posted

Melanie Stryder refuses to fade away.

Our world has been invaded by an unseen enemy. Humans become hosts for these invaders, their minds taken over while their bodies remain intact and continue their lives apparently unchanged. Most of humanity has succumbed.

When Melanie, one of the few remaining "wild" humans is captured, she is certain it is her end. Wanderer, the invading "soul" who has been given Melanie's body, was warned about the challenges of living inside a human: the overwhelming emotions, the glut of senses, the too vivid memories. But there was one difficulty Wanderer didn't expect: the former tenant of her body refusing to relinquish possession of her mind.

Wanderer probes Melanie's thoughts, hoping to discover the whereabouts of the remaining human resistance. Instead, Melanie fills Wanderer's mind with visions of the man Melanie loves—Jared, a human who still lives in hiding. Unable to separate herself from her body's desires, Wanderer begins to yearn for a man she has been tasked with exposing. When outside forces make Wanderer and Melanie unwilling allies, they set off on a dangerous and uncertain search for the man they both love.

Where is the world is my passport?

Theory 1
It is off traveling to exotic places without me. I mean why else could it take so long to get here? Are US Passports made in China and someone is walking over to hand deliver it to me?

Theory 2
The picture they took of me at the post office was so bad that they immediately rejected my passport on the grounds that I look too scary, kind of like a terrorist.
OR…
Maybe it is being passed around to all the Government offices so everyone gets a chance to laugh at the picture.

Theory 3
I have too many unpaid parking tickets and my passport application was denied.

Theory 4
It is in my mailbox still since I have not picked up my mail at all this week.

So it was a good thing I did not have to be somewhere that required a passport in a hurry. I hope it gets here before I am 50, and need a walker to go anywhere.
Hurry up Passport people!
Damn it!

Hi! Remember Me?

So I have become somewhat of an anti-social hermit, I don’t know why I keep losing direction lately, probably due to the fact that I do not have a GPS. Work has been challenging, I mean I like it but I have to admit it is the hardest job I have ever had.

So I have not blogged...

shame on me...

On a positive note I finally got my taxes done. YAY!

So last Wednesday I started a class, I thought it would be fun and exciting, and trust me it is, but it is a lot of work too. There is a lot to remember and a lot to learn. I drove to my parent’s house today to get some inspiration and help with my first assignment. Now I am happy with the way some of the pictures turned out, and I have to report back to class on Wednesday. My assignment was to take 7 pictures… So here we go I will show you what I have so far. Now I actually had to take my camera off autopilot. These are the first pictures I have taken in program mode. I am happy for constructive criticism, but assholes need not comment, because frankly mean people suck.

First I had to take a picture of "Up" so I saw this flag. I like the simple background and I feel it is a strong enough subject matter to be kinda centered.

The next picutre was "Down" first my dad started to say something about climbing up on the roof, and i think as soon as he said it he remembered who he was dealing with and thought i better stay on the ground, so we found a bridge and took a picture of the waters below. I used the leaves as a frame

Next was "Quiet" I went to the cemetary, you just can't get much quieter than that. I used ISO 100 since it was sunny and no movement.

Next is "Noise" Motorcycles are loud!

I play the flute so i thought this was perfect for the "Music" shot, I actually like the shadow, not sure if i will get marked down for that or not.

The next shot was "Conservative " My mom had the idea that clipping coupons is pretty conservative.

L is for "Liberal" and lottery tickets.

Now I am not sure about liberal – the lottery ticket and conservative with the coupon clipping, so if you have any other suggestions I am happy to hear them. If you have any knowledge to share or websites that may help me in this class please e-mail me at
siren-s@hotmail.com

On another note I finally beat my dad at Wii bowling and got “pro” status, which gave me a sparkly ball. I am so excited. Anyway I am sleepy now, so gonna go tuck myself in.

Hope you all have a good night.

---> on a side note i don't know why there are gaps in this post, in edit mode there is no space. So i dont where the space came from, it is very annoying to me... but going back and forth to edit > post > edit > post > edit > post... arrrggggh! oh well please ignore the space and just pretend it is not there.

The Secret Life of Bees

Ok total freak out moment at 6am when i woke up to feel something crawing on my hand. I screamed and shook it off since it was big enough to see in the dark, I ran over to filp on the lights and I stumbled backward when i saw my wall covered in bees. (not to be confused with the single bumble bee freak out i posted earlier)

this was a full on -i think i am gonna passout- freak out. I grab Sable and put her on the leash and stare... i did not know what to do, I hurried up and got dressed and then looked for my phone.... i turned on the air conditioner to make the bees think it was a blizzard, this seemed to only make them panic and start flying around. I looked around and that is when i saw it... the hole they dug in the wall. What the hell, did bees have mini shovels, or power tools? how did they make a hole in the wall? I called 911 this is an emergency. meanwhile I am puffing on my inhaler and popping benadryl incase i get stung I am prepared. (ok so i did not dial 911, i called my landlord) and my daddy... not that he could do anything living that far away, but it is reflex...something bad happens i call my daddy. Ok so the landlord gets here with four other men, armed with cans of spray. two came inside and two stayed outside and i just stood there frozen, till they said you might want to go out the back door. Sable and I made a quick exit and i guess they sprayed the whole wall, bees were pissed and flying everywhere, about 20 mins later when the fumes had sorta cleared Sable and I lurked back in to access the damage.... they informed me that they were going to have to go inside the wall...and to my horror inside the wall was...i think i am gonna be sick.... gross, ick, icky, ewww....i still have the creeps.... this:

OMG so gross. so he cuts a hole and scoops out the wall then eventually seals it with tape...yes tape, he asked me for tape. really? it that gonna stop the bees if they come back? they had power tools, i dont think tape is gonna hold them... do you think they will come back? I think i need to move out. What if i wake up in the morning I and am covered in bees? ok gonna go freak out some more.

Angry girl in Action?

All I wanted to do is have a nice relaxing Sunday, but I guess it just was not meant to be. I get the dog and pack up the computer because it seems to be doing this thing where it just shuts down or the screen freezes. Now for the first two months of this I just kind of “oh well” and restarted it now it is getting to the point where I want to launch it out the frockin’ window. I guess I am like that with my anger; I can only channel it for a few months and then, I turn into the spawn of Satan.
So I get the car loaded and set out to my mom and dads house. My dad is like that McGuiver (however you spell his name, spell checker has a red zigzagging line under it) guy and can fix anything.

Buy the way as I am driving the truck in front of me has a nut sack, a tan color sock with what might have been tennis balls in it hanging from the trailer hitch. I don’t know how I noticed it, I usually zone out while I am driving and don’t notice much. This is why I am not a police office. I still want a car like in Knight Rider that talks to me, does not get lost and can drive itself to where I need to go.

(anyway - yes i do get sidetracked easily)

So I have my theory it is the video card, but when my dad opened it up he noticed only 3 of the 4 fans on the inside are running. I did not tell him it was probably due to the fact I stuck my finger in that one to see if it was running, it was spinning so fast i could not tell...so, yeah... it was running. So he fixed that and we swapped the video card, which was pissing us both off since the driver for the card was not loading. My dad was so pissed he called the computer a “pig” weird… I don’t know where that came from or what he has against pigs, I mean he likes bacon…but whatever, that was my cue to walk away.

Once it was loaded we went to see District 9, it was an ok movie but I heard my dad laugh when a pig got launched across the screen… I just sat there and wondered if pigs were going to be the theme of the day.

Ok no more spoilers here…moving on.

There was four high school aged giggling girls behind us who just would not shut the hell up, I mean if I am going to pay to listen to someone talk to me it had better be a doctors office, or I guess a phone sex line…not that I would ever do that sort of thing, but you get the point, it better benefit me. Then as soon as they finally get quiet, one of their phone rings… it was the most annoying ring ever…did they download it at "sounds_that_could_kill_a_dolphin.com" To make it worse I think it took her a good two minutes to find it. I think the whole theater wanted to kick them out at that point.

I get back home and tell my mom what a crappy day it has been, and she says that it takes more energy to be mad than it does to just be nice. Really? Has this theory been tested?

I get in the car and head home get to the one lane with the no passing zone and I have Fred Flintstone in front of me, that is the best way I can convey to you the speed he was going. I smiled to myself with my teeth clenched and I honestly think it takes way more energy to be nice, I feel it would have been much easier to lay on the horn.

Maybe I should have just gone to church instead.

So please pray for me and my hateful soul.

I've Been Bad

So yeah this week I may have been a little naughty. It was not my intension, to be bad, it just happens from time to time. Maybe I just need a good spanking *wink*. Well it all started when I made graduation photo boards for a party. The lady I made them for invited me to the graduation party, I said I would attend and I probably should have but I just did not feel up to smiling and socializing...plastering on a fake smile for a bunch of people I don't know. I have been avoiding her for approx. 2 weeks when she finally sent an e-mail. I went on and on about how my parents got into a biking accident so I had to go sit with my grandma (who is staying at their house) Ok..Ok.. so it was not the whole truth just ½, my parents did get in a biking accident, i just did not mention it was pedal bikes (note to self get mom and dad crash helmets for Christmas) I told her they had to go to the ER when in all reality they just had a few scratches and I did not go sit with my grandma. I lied!!! I just could not tell her I did not want to go hang out with people I did not know without alcohol involved.

Then yesterday Jesse came up to my cubicle again and was asking when he could drop off his computer, I just looked at him, smiled sweetly and said “never” I think he got the picture and went away sulking, or maybe cursing me…but I don’t really care. I’m a busy girl.

I was outside with Sable on my lunch today eating a Popsicle and the creepy neighbor is watching me while he is grilling something…maybe a squirrel… so I turned my back to him when sable was done sniffing everything in the retractable leash range I started heading back to the door. I looked at him inserted the whole popsicle into my mouth and pulled it back out slowly then flipped my hair and walked in the door. I know…evil, but I bet he burnt his lunch while he was inside jerking off.

So yeah I have been a little naughty…but you know might as well wait till next week since I am going to a "Pure Romance" sex toy party on the 20th and I already have my list ready:

Great Head Gel (the 3 flavor pack)
The art of Erotic Massage (book)
Sensual Lotion (Vanilla Cupcake flavor)

And the Chin-Dildo?

Now this looks exciting and all, but dangerous for the guy…
I mean what if your so into the moment gripping the headboard bouncing up and down, tongue on cilt, panting, moaning….snap! This thing just screams dislocated jaw and long awkward explanation in the emergency room. I think I will pass for now.

Strange Day

This morning I woke up tired…I hate that I really did get a good nights sleep but I woke up tired. Was I having rough sex in my dream or aerobics? Lets just pretend it is the first option. I get to work and I am zoning out on spreadsheets and people rambling to me on the phone, when I realized every time I moved I could smell "paradise thrill"… it was my clothes. When I was at my mom and dad’s yesterday I did laundry and my mom must have got that bounce scent release. So I moved around my desk and…wow this stuff really works. It makes me sneeze at times but it works. Then a co-worker asked me what kind of perfume I was wearing. I was perplexed, I did not how to answer… did she actually smell the Ed Hardy perfume or the bounce scent release? So I had her sniff my sleeve and it was the bounce scent release… that I am certain, is cheaper than the Ed Hardy perfume. Go figure.

Then my shoe kept eating my sock. Have you ever had that happen? The more I walked the more my sock got sucked in my shoe it was very annoying. I hate wardrobe malfunctions, I say everyone should just work naked, but maybe not borrow each other’s pens.

Anyway …

I am beyond agitated today
And nothing seems to be going my way
I really have nothing to say
Maybe I just need to get laid
D’aww look at the poem I just made

Waiting....

So Jesse told me yesterday at work…”since you don’t answer your phone when I call I am coming over at noon tomorrow to drop off my computer”
It is now 12:30 and no Jesse. Hence why I don’t answer my phone when he calls. He is the type of guy who will use you in anyway he can. I used to think when I first met him that he was this awesome guy. Ok so he is not bad looking I will not deny, he has lots of luck with the ladies (they are young and dumb) he has a son, works and finished up college. So I am thinking he has it all together, that was until I started babysitting for him and he promised to pay me each time but he never did… and one time he left me there and the baby had no milk…so it even cost me money. Each time I would have to pick up and clean his house because why should the baby suffer? I heard his mom moved back in with him now…so at least I know the house and baby are clean. Anyway yeah so now since I refuse to babysit he calls (or tries to call) when he has a computer malfunction. This is the second time for that, not much I can do when people are too lazy to keep their free virus protection updated.

So here I am, I need to go to the store but I am here waiting…
I vacuumed for the 3rd time (Sable is shedding so much it is like there is 4 of her)
Washed the glass I had water in
Drank some more water
Washed the glass again
Dusted
Inventoried my books, cds, and sex toy collection
Downloaded the pictures off my camera
Typing this blog….

So now I decided I have waited long enough and I am going to the store, but when I look outside it is a downpour…

Rain rain go away lil siren wants to play.
Why cant it rain on the days when I am trapped in my office at work…

Well going to brave it, I don’t think I will melt.

Defective Gnome

Well this is it my 100th post. I am sure it is supposed to be something epic. My original plan was to ask TNO to guest post, but that is not happing.


Maybe Nooter will take pity on my poor soul and do me a Nifty Nine guest post for my 109th entry.


Well.....................I broke my mini gnome. I am an unfit gnome owner and let me show you why. The mini gnome was so unhappy here he killed my innocent ivy. You can dig few posts back to see the before picture. So now the gnome is sitting in a pot of dirt and I am waiting to see if something sprouts back… if not I guess I will have to buy a new plant for it to kill. I really dont think i will get ivy again. I called to see if i could get a birds of paradise plant, but i guess that grows WAY to big for an apartment.

Me vs. The Bumblebee

I was just lying on the couch watching TV, which I rarely do, but I just had a headache that would not go away. I even used Tylenol Rapid Release. I tried talking to it telling it to leave, then negotiating with it to come back at a later time…it just was not listening. I think I kind of zoned out ½ way through the Simpson’s and that is when I heard the humming noise; I thought to myself did I lose a vibrator in the couch? I opened my eyes and there it was the HUGEST (is that a word) bumblebee I have ever seen. This thing looked like it was on steroids compared to other bees. My first reaction was to punch it in the face (thank you Dane Cook) but it flew away. Its evasion skill was amazing.


Side note: Let it be known if you are with me and there is a bug in the room it is your job to eradicate it on sight.

I grabbed the “Febreeze” and sprayed it, and then I sprayed it again and again. All I seemed to be accomplishing was making Sable and myself sneeze and pissing off the bumblebee. I set the can down and by the time I turned around the bee was coming right at me so I ducked and ran, and yes I screamed like a girl, but that is ok cuz I am. This meant war!!! So I grabbed the bottle of “Fantastic” and sprayed it, it was a direct hit and the bee fell to the floor, the thud resounded while I cheered (really… it was a thud). I move closer to inspect it and it is still moving. I grabbed my sandal and whacked it, it was still moving and I swear one of its eyes was glowing red… I whacked it again and again till it was not only dead but also flat. I got some paper towel picked up the bee and flushed it; I did not want to take the chance of it resurrection from my trashcan. I looked at Sable and thanked her for the excellent patrol and protection skills as she lay there under the coffee table. Turns out she was not sneezing she was laughing. Well at least my headache is gone.

Found It!

Oh sometimes when it comes to scents, I am a sucker. I love Bath and Body Works. So it is no different when it comes to my apartment. A while ago I bought one of those Febreeze Scent Players and you could but these handy Scent Stories discs to go in it. Well for the last several months I have been on the prowl for more Scent Stories discs… there was none to be found. I checked Wal-Mart, Kmart, Kroger, Target, Meijers and any other store that looked like it might possibly carry it. Well I stopped in the Yankee Candle Store to get some tarts (I cant stand burning candles because over time it makes your walls discolored) I happened to turn around and there they were Yankee Candle style scent story discs that will work in my febreeze scent player. I picked out a few and the angels sang. I got to the counter and found out they cost 2x as much as the febreeze ones did so I wrinkled my nose and bought just one. I know I will rest easier tonight knowing that I will no longer have to worry where I will get my next scent stories disc at.

All is well with the world again.

I'm Back

Well I believe I am caught up with my reading for a while.

...and Graduation board jobs

So i can maybe start blogging again.

Musical Karma?

I was driving to work this morning singing along with Throwback’s version of “I Like Big Butts” the original by Sir Mix A lot….Hey I am a rocker, not a rapper. And there it was on the side of the road. Something you do not want to see before 7:00 in the morning. CRACK! Some guy was lying on the ground in front of his car fixing something and flashing a huge amount of crack. I skipped to the next song immediately and I doubt I will ever sing along with that song again while driving.

No Float for Me :(

It has been hell at work the past couple of days. I try to leave it there and not carry it home…but tonight I stopped at the grocery store. I got Velveeta Shells and Cheese and I wanted a root beer float. I have not had one in so long. I get all the stuff and check out and head home before the ice cream melts. I begin to put away the groceries and what I was looking at was vanilla ice cream, but what I picked up was “birthday cake” ice cream. Ugh! Well so much for the rood beer float. No I am not brave enough to have a root beer birthday cake ice cream float. I guess I will just splurge on Shells and Cheese with root beer to drink.

Idiot Girl a Week in Review

Monday: I spent the whole weekend with my parents, I needed today to recover, I was so busy with all the scrap booking jobs (graduation boards & books) that I barely had time to see them. My mom and I did make time to go shopping…yes she had to force me. In the end I was glad I went and had some fun. Got my dad some Wii games for Fathers Day. He is the bestest dad ever. Someday if I win the lotto I will take care of him and my mom for putting up with all my idiot girl ways.


Tuesday: What is up with all the road kill?…. Is the road kill picker-upper on vacation? Eww. I must have seen 5 dead animals on my little drive today. Including a turtle.

Wednesday: I had to call the court and pay my $140 fine for turning on orange. The lady on the other end of the phone felt sorry for me, or at least she pretended too…which really did not make me feel better.

Thursday: It was pretty uneventful. No memorable idiot moments to report. Except I have 3 more graduation boards to do. I will try not to get my fingers stuck together with glue dots this time.

Friday: When I went to bed Thursday night I set my alarm (cell phone) and put it on the charger. Well I must not have plugged it in all the way so the phone went completely dead, which means at 7:30 I was still sleeping instead of foreclosing on people at work. Sable had to do speed peeing and I had to do some super fast showering, but I got to work at 8:30 so all in all not too bad…the best part was I was not pulled over for speeding.

The HR Lady

It was a pretty dreary morning, dripping rain on me while I let Sable out. I just wanted to shut my eyes and pretend I was in Forks and my name was Bella. However my life is not that exciting so I let Sable do her thing and went to work. I know I don’t usually work on Saturday’s however I love money and I have no life, so a little overtime is not going to kill me. I rounded the corner in front of the building and there she was… The HR Lady. As I parked my car I had several thoughts:
What is she doing here on a Saturday?
Shit! She has her black folder.
Someone is getting fired!
Damn I know I got personal e-mails!
What Internet Site was I on?
There is only two of us working today.
Is it me?

I walked by her and said good morning and she smiled back, but did not stop me. Just as we finished the awakward exchange I saw my co-worker coming out with a plant in her hands and tears streaming down her face. I looked down at the floor and kept walking I did not know what to say or not say. Somehow “Good Morning” “Good bye” “Oh, did you get fired?” did not seem approprate. So I headed up to my desk and popped my CD in and got lost in the sounds of Aletheua – Truthspeaking. After the song was over I wandered over to the windows and both of their cars were gone. I did not get fired, but wow…can someone warn a sister if that stuff is gonna go down while I am here.

Time passed pretty fast, for as quiet as it was, and at 1:00 I headed home. No park today for Sable since it is raining, and to be honest I feel a little off, thank you Cottonwood trees for all the white floating puff balls that are making outside a living hell on my allergies. I can’t remember if I told you before but those Vicks Kleenex are the best product ever.

Anyway pretty uneventful I made it to work and back two days in a row with no police officer encounters. I bet your proud of me.

Oh FFS I give up for today.

Last night and today sheer idiot girl in action. I don’t know how I manage to always have such amazing luck. Last night I could not sleep, just had a lot on my mind…so you know it was a battle between my tired body and my wide awake mind. So what seemed like a few minutes later my alarm went off and it was time for work. I looked in the mirror and my puffy eyes looked horrible.



I took Sable outside and I have been watching her poop like a hawk… I know that sounds weird, but when I went to visit my dad and mom on Sunday my dad had chicken wings for lunch and tossed the bones in the trash, which would normally not be a big deal but Sable was like "OMG YAY Chicken Bones" I dont care for chicken on the bone (gross) so Sable does not get into that kinda trouble at home. When my dad and I had left the room she went into Super Sable Stealth mode and ninja'd the bones out of the trash can...so I have been hoping everything “comes out” ok. I don’t need another vet bill.

I get dressed and get to work and I just seemed out of control...could not get a handle on people and the phone kept ringing. Right off the bat I get one guy who is just being a jerk and another one who is trying to hit on me. Some days you just want to scream or be able to tazer people through the phone

I was trying to figure out persons A deed in lieu, Persons C short sale and Person B would call to see about getting a modification. I think this is when my mind just went on strike and said fuck you. I then needed some caffeine and the coke machine refused to take 2 out of my 5 quarters…why? I have no clue. So I had to go on a search to exchange my shunned quarters for 2 more favorable quarters. I finally got my coke.




I finally get through work and and driving home and I know your not gonna believe this… I had another run in with the law. I know you think i am making this crap up, but i am not.

In my ½ zombie and ½ caffeine rush state I turn left on an orange light..,. yes it was orange…almost unyellow and just turning red. Well I get pulled over. 1. I have no seatbelt on 2. The insurance cards in my car say expired two months ago and the new ones are at home and
3. I have unpaid parking tickets. So I got a ticket for disobeying a traffic signal, he let the other things slide. SO I get to call on Monday and see how much that is going to cost me. Do you think I can get a payment plan?

I get home and take sable for a walk to chill but she does not seem to want to go for some reason. So I go back home to escape in my video game only to have things go to hell on there too. So here I sit. I think I will go read or something constructive where I am not bothering anyone or being a menace to society.


Milk ---check.

Oreos. ---check.

Mandalay CD, candles, and maybe some vodka (better safe than sober). ----check.

Remove all potential projectiles from area. (pens, silverware, chairs etc..) ---check.

FTM

I had went to pick of lunch for the office and I never mind doing this because using the FTM is far less hassle than using the ATM. Let me explain this idiot girl theory.


Using the “Friend TM”
Step 1. Announce you are going to Subway.
Step 2. Ask co-workers if they want anything thing
Step 3. Collect orders and cash
Step 4. Walk to Subway and pay with debit card… leaving you cash in hand.



Using the ATM
Step 1. Drive to bank
Step 2. Dig for card
Step 3. Try to remember pin number
Step 4. Wait for slow person in front of you to check balances on all 17 of their accounts
Step 5. Tap foot
Step 6. Approach machine and try to read screen with glare from the sun

… you get my point the FriendTM is way more efficient, try it today.

The Idiot Girl Elitest Award (FFXI)

OMG I have met the BIGGEST Elitist Fuck AROUND.

You know me I get myself in some of the worst situations with people, this is why for the most part I hide inside where it is safe.

I've been wondering… Do the elitist have any fun in life or in video games for that matter, or do they just spend their lives trying to prove to everyone else they're superior?

I am talking about the type of person that is always right and never at fault. So quick to give you a million reasons as to why it was not their fault, it had to be yours. These are the people that, regardless of the subject at hand, they ALWAYS know more about anyone involved with that topic.

They know random, trivial facts that nobody else knows. They've owned every console ever made. They're the only ones on the planet who beat E.T. on the Atari (and they're actually proud of this). Then, they turn around and lecture everybody. And I mean, everybody. They seek out the smallest mistake and pounce on it, gleefully proclaiming to all just how knowledgeable they are.

Seriously, were they last in line when humanity was being handed out? I don’t know what it is about this person but just about everything he thinks or says makes it very difficult for me to relate to him let alone want to even be around him.

He is his own biggest fan and has a strong belief in his own superiority. He will bulldoze anyone who confronts him on his logic by having a “data dump” which is when he overwhelms you with HIS logic, and shuts you down quickly to try to confuse you or has a complete melt down which reminds me of a 5 year old yelling at your head as if you are hard of hearing.

Is it because there is some deep seeded problem from his childhood? Is it because he has a strong need for security or control in an unpredictable world? Did he grow up constantly being criticized so he always has to get out his “blankie” of armor, warp it around him and proceed to try to demoralized anyone within a 50 yard radius?

This guy has zero social graces - and certainly no social status to speak of - and because of this, he has to make his mark in a video game. Is his goal in life to be the all-knowing guru? All hail swinger of the mightiest e-peen (eletronical penis)...maybe he is just overcompensating for his lack of one in real life.

So my question is simple: do these people have any fun in life or playing games? Ever? It seems to me as if he walks thorough life as if he is out for revenge, he actually creams his pants when he pisses someone off.

When you're out to prove something all the time, the fun factor disappears fast, doesn't it?

I can tell you all he does is irk me, because I only see him as useless, unhappy, nose-in-the-air elitist fuck. This girls is staying far far away. I hope last night was the first and last run in with this type of person.

yikes.

Breakin The Law

I get in my car to do the good thing, to do the right thing…to go give blood.

I am driving very slowly as the potholes in the road are big enough to lose my car in. I have on my seatbelt, because safety first. All the sudden out of nowhere he appears…and the lights on the top of the car is going blue… blue… blue… blue… I did not get the temporary case of tourette’s that I normally do, because I had no idea why he was pulling me over. I had no time to reach for the idiot girl’s action adventure club handbook, because I was afraid he would shoot me thinking I was reaching for something illegal. I roll down the window and smile! He says license and registration. I pull everything out of the glove compartment and handed him all the paper that I could find registration and proof of insurance, new tires receipt, oil change statements, for the last 5 years; because I seem to feel it is necessary to save EVERYTHING in the glove compartment, Hey were did this Twix candy bar come from.

Well the only problem is I have registration for every year except the current one. It seems in the whirlwind of my life (I will not go into details) I did not notice I never got a sticker thingy back from the State of Michigan that allows me to drive my car on the road legally. I look shocked then embarrassed and then finally looked sad. I explained to the officer that I was a member of the idiot girls action adventure club and these things happen to me, but he had taken his…humor vortex pill…I got a ticket…sigh…so now I have a civil infraction on my rap sheet and I can no longer call myself a law abiding citizen. I am a threat to society and should be approached as such.

So watch for me next month on Peoples Court, as I am sure this will be just the start in my life of crime. This is just a friendly reminder to please donate generously to the “Siren BAIL fund”, it is tax deductible, and your receipt is in the mail. At least I did not go to jail for the unpaid parking tickets.