Sex Myths

Askmen.com came out with the following top 10 list and I felt I had to put in my own two cents.  You can find the original comments to the list there.  I can't link it at this time because I don’t even know how I ended up there.  Anyway just so we are clear… list is theirs, comments are mine. 
 

No.10 - Great sex comes naturally

Remember way back when you were a virgin.  You watch a show on HBO or SKINimax and thought sex was this wonderful grand thing.  Moans, kissing, foreplay, touching, licking, and finally the big O.  Yeah what a huge disappointment that was.  I have to agree with them on this one.  I feel it rarely comes naturally.  I mean accidents are bound to happen… let me just list a few for you from my own sexcapades.

-         cops knocking on car window

-         spilling lube on him

-         kneeing him in the gut… hey it is better than in the balls.

This was never in the movies. 

No.9 - Men have more sexual urges than women

This is busted and I agree…  Men get headaches too.  Or you are trying to get romantic and they fart and try to push you under the covers.  Even if you can fit in your HS cheerleading uniform if football is on TV forget it.  Unless you can fit it in the time frame of a commercial. 

No.8 - After a certain age, sex is no longer important

Busted and I agree…Sex is always important unless it is going to cause you to have a heart attack and die or something, which I guess if you are old and rich maybe that is your partners plan.  Have you changed your will recently? 

No.7 - Viagra is the answer

I don’t know if this one is busted… If you can’t get it up Viagra might be the answer.  I have no idea what men did before it.  Can they use one of those penis pumps and pump it up?  Maybe they just did not have sex.

No.6 - Size matters

Again, I don’t know if I agree with this.  If you have no skill you better have a huge cock to fall back on.  If you know what you are doing and can keep it exciting size is not going to make much of a difference.

No.5 - Certain foods can put you in the mood

I agree… Busted.  If you eat tiger penis you will be ready for love.  Rawr!   I don’t care I can be ready for love with out digesting a tiger penis.  Beside if your man saw you chewing on any kind of penis I think it would send him running.  Now food might set the mood if you are eating it off his/her body.

No.4 - Oral sex is safer than vaginal and anal sex

I agree, this is busted.  Choking comes to mind, or accidental teeth, what if there are braces involved.  I think you should take care when having oral sex.  What if he has no idea what he is doing while he is going down on you, it could be painful.  Nothing kills the mood faster than shouting directions or hearing him hum the ABC song… it is killing the mood.  Compose your thesis instead. 

No.3 - Premature ejaculation only affects young men

I don’t know if this is busted or not.  I stay away from young men.  I have never had any experience with this problem.  If this is an issue I feel like you should just fuck more, build up endurance.  Practice makes perfect… and who minds practicing sex.   

No.2 - Fantasizing about someone else is a bad thing

Of course it is bad… he should only be thinking about me.  That is all I have to say about that.  I am just kidding, fantasizing and role-playing can only add to the excitement.

No.1 - Women can't get pregnant if a man pulls out

BUSTED!  Duh… really was there someone who did not know this?

2 .... Really?

I saw the lowest credit score on earth today.  It was a 2... the guys credit was so bad it was a 2.  This is what happens when you borrow all kinds of money and decide to stop paying on it.  He stopped paying the summer and winter tax bills on his property as well in 2007.  So now he has a foreclosure and a tax lien... it also looked like he has a federal tax lien as well...so I am guessing he did not pay his CPA either.  Boys and Girls let me just advise, I know the economy is bad but if at all possible pay your debts starting with your mortgage first as late payments on your mortgage weigh heavily on your overall score.  If you need help call Green Path or another non-profit company who can help you negotiate with creditors and set up a budget.  Make sure you watch out for the Killer C's ... cable ... credit cards...cigarettes... these costs add up fast.  Ok end lecture.

On a better note, have you seen this blog.  I was fascinated, of course it was 2am and I could not sleep so I was easily amused or it could be that I love cock.  

 

 

 I play an online video game and I am always commenting on how some things in that game look so cock-like.  I may have to do a follow-up post so you can see them too.  Of course seeing how most of my readers are men I am sure you really don't care... so I probably won't. 

Also I was surfing around to other blog sites and I found Write about it Wednesday on City Mom's blog laughed at the picture so now I feel I should at least write about it.   Yeah... I know it is not Wednesday, just pretend it is.  Here is the photo and all you have to do is hop on over to her blog to play along.

I don't drive a horse, but something with horse power so I think that qualifies.  I could really use one of these designated dog drivers.  Is there some school or training course I can enroll Sable. (she just gave me a dirty look) I think I would wake up from my hang over at the dog park or she would run off the road and kill us both by off-roading to chasing a squirrel.  One time her and I were in the car going to my mom and dads house to visit and she was laying in the back seat looking all innocent n' stuff and that is when I smelled it...she had farted... that was the closest I came to passing out behind the wheel and her having to drive. 

Randomly Yours,
Siren

The fake big O!

I never did understand how come some women fake it.  I mean I have faked a headache before instead of saying “I’m just not that into you” but I don’t fake orgasms.  I just don’t feel like giving credit when credit is not due. 

I asked a friend at work if she ever faked it, and she said she had… she went on to say that men are babies and if you don’t feed their ego, as in, you are best and biggest lover I have ever had… they just don’t perform well anymore.  She said men also think if you can’t orgasm during sex there is something wrong with you, not them.  It couldn’t possibly be that only 50% of women orgasm during sex.  Men will never call women out for faking it because that would mean reality would get in the way of their “I am the best lover on the planet” ego.

I asked a male his perspective on the whole faking it thing and he said who cares, I mean as long as he gets off and it feels good why would he waste time trying to figure out if she faked it or not. 

I am sure you have heard it before:

Women might be able to fake orgasms.

But men can fake whole relationships.

Porn Star Dancing by My Darkest Days

Uninvited Guest

So i was laying in bed watching TV because for some reason I can not fall asleep again tonight.  Little did I know that I had company.  I do not like unannounced guests in my home especially after midnight.  I guess the TV is what made him decide to let me know he was here... maybe he did not like "The Office" rerun.  I freaked when I saw him.  He flew by once and then decided to do 3 or 4 more ariel stunts and that was it, I was up.  There may be a little exaggeration on my part, but anything flying in my apartment waiting for me to fall asleep so it can land on my face it too big and not welcome.   So i have spent the last 30 minutes ducking and weaving trying to get this damn flying bug thing out of my space.  *shivers* I have a phobia of bugs... what can I say.  Well I was finally able to whack it with the swiffer sweeper thing and then vacuum it up and throw it out.  I think I can go back to sleep now... I hope, I am just so tired from my lack of sleep over the last few days it is unreal.  May I just need to masturbate more ... yes I am certain that is it.   Well you all have a good night, hope it is fire breathing dragon sized bug free.  

On a side note, today I discovered I can not text and walk at the same time.  Anyone got a band aid? 

What the Smell !!!

Well some girl I work with moved to a bigger cubicle today which happened to be next to mine.   I did not have a problem with this until she got settled in and I realized she has some strange fetish with applying strongly scented lotion and perfume all day long.  I peeked in her office and I saw something like this...

What in the hell is she trying to cover up?  Does she have some kind of fungus?  I like smelling good, and clean but I do not slather myself in floral smelling whatever the hell she uses.  Anyway I have sneezed in the range of 5000 times since she moved.  I have used 2 boxes of Kleenex and pretty much scratched my eyes out.  I squinted and managed to email my boss to see if I could move to the other side of the building.  I fear if I don't move my desk will look like this...

 

Anyway I hope she is happy with her new office and maybe I should count my blessings, because someone who has to use that much lotion must smell worse without it.  Lets hope tomorrow I am busy moving my office.  Ah-Choooooo!

Out for Dinner

While my sister was here visiting I took her to Genji's Japanese Steakhouse.  I like it there it is fun and the cooks are very talented.   I have always just gone there for lunch, dinner was a whole different experience.  We got our soup, salad and drinks... then came our appetizer.  We ordered Edamame.

It was good.   I don't know if you have ate edamame before, but you bite the end to open/split the pod and then drag your teeth along it to slide out the Japanese soy beans.  They are very good for you just lightly salted and steamed, but after a drink or two they were a little tricky.

 

Our waiter came out and started tossing the food on the grill.  We had veggies, rice and chicken.  Now my sister ordered the veggie dish and I ordered the chicken dish.  We watched him flip knives around and chop chop the veggies...Then he dumped a LARGE bowl of rice on the grill... there was A LOT of rice.  He shaped the rice in a heart and used the spatula to make it beat (say it, you know you want too "Awww").  My sister was eating a edamame and lost a bean down the front of her shirt.  He was so kind to offer to get it out for her.  Then he started chopping the chicken and when it was done he tossed it on my plate except for two pieces and he flipped those in her "yum yum" sauce and said... first day.  She glared at him and she explained to him that she was a vegetarian.  He looked at her like she was an alien and got her some more sauce w/o chicken.  He asked us to come back Sunday, but we declined.  It was a fun night.  I am glad she came to visit.  I am hoping to get to visit her in Boston in the fall.

Delays

So my keyboard is a litte dusty.  

...but have a good excuse.  

My sister is in town from Boston so I have been to my parents a lot to spend time with the family.

Have a Safe and Happy Labor Day 

I will have lots of misadventure to tell you about on Monday.