Deck the Mall

…or deck everyone in my way in the mall (I really need those flying monkeys, like in Wizard of Oz, to release on people at my discretion)

Well…

I made my list and I checked it twice so last Sunday I ventured off to the mall.  I went right at noon when it opened to avoid shopping fuckery.  The first store I made it in and out pretty fast, but by the time I stepped back into the main walkway it was packed.  Was there 1015 busses that all arrived at the same time?  Have you been out in the stores lately? No? If not, here is what you are missing: People storming around in total chaos, in a total shopping rage, fighting for the last "On Sale" flat screen on the shelf, dragging crying children along for hour after hour of mind-boggling browsing, all to the tune of revamped, remixed Christmas songs that somehow make that Time Life Christmas CD collecting dust on your shelf seem manageable.

I thought people where supposed to be at Church and Sunday brunch.  Why did everyone have to sacrifice himself or herself into the black hole of consumer debt all on Sunday the 5^th.  I thought I was going to avoid all this when I was the only one working at the bank on Black Friday.  I hate shopping…so as you can probably imagine I really hate ninja shopping.  I decided no matter how many casualties I was going to get this shopping done because I would not be coming back.  Long story short I am done with the mall portion of the shopping.  I just have to go to Pier 1 now.  I love that store so I don’t mind. 

I am having Christmas with my family on the 19^th since that is when my sister is flying in from Boston. 

Hope all of you have your shopping done and have not waited till the last minute like me.

Deny Thy Milk and Refuse Thy Cream

Dear Oreo
You have been a constant friend of mine for years.  We have been though thick and thin, in good times and in bad times...  but it is time I break up with you.  I am leaving you in favor of homemade treats... at first I admired your pre-packaged ease, but lately I have found you kinda a bore.  As much as I love your creamy filling it is no good for me.  Consider us over.

Bunny Slipper Contessa

Well since I have been gone I found two new addictions… I know I am all over the place one minute I like rock music and the next I am listening to j-pop thinking I am queen of the booty shake scene.  I am woman and I reserve the right to change my mind. * grin *

Ok so my first new addiction (who knows for how long) is The Food Network.  I don’t know what it is about that damn Iron Chef show and The Barefoot Contessa cooking show but I watch them and then I go in the kitchen to be “the bunny slipper contessa”. 
 

Today I was home on my lunch break and she was making short ribs so now I want to make short ribs, but first I have to find out what a fennel is...there was also a Honey-Mustard Pork Roast with Bacon… YUM. I might have to change my cereal for dinner habit. 

My other new addiction is Sackboy.  Aww bless, he is so cute and you can dress him up and run him though puzzles and the expressions on his lil face… so adorably precious.  So before I go to bed I sneak in a few rounds of Little Big Planet and spend sometime with my sackboy.    

 

Sable is pissed because it is raining and she does not want to get her paws wet.  I had to pacify her with a frosty paw treat.  Anyway... we are all tucked in and dry for tonight so I am going to make something delicious for dinner.  Hope you all have a good night.

Ad astra per aspera

"Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions."

Elizabeth Gilbert

 

I know I have not blogged in a while but the static in my mind was so loud I had trouble focusing my own thoughts… at times like that I wish I was more into zen or yoga something that teaches you to keep your thoughts under control. 

One month ago today I got some news that broke my heart.  I was not expecting it and especially from the person that it came from.  When I heard it I was hurt, betrayed, in pain, angry, and so many other similar emotions.  Words plastered here would fail to explain.  Some things that hurt me the most was the timing and that I warned this person and they did not have enough faith in my judgment to trust me.  I care about this person very much, to say the least and I know they have my best interest at heart so when they warned me about something I listened and steered clear.  I guess this person had not built up that same trust in me.  They said “I had to find out for myself”  anyway when I got the news I had a knee jerk reaction and I let it rock my world… I had let my walls down, I was unguarded and unprepared. 

We talked things though for a few days, I told this person I forgave them, but I need time to heal.  I feel like it is getting better each day, but it is very hard to forget.  My guard is back up and I don’t like wondering what is coming around the corner even though I am being told it is safe…I was told I was safe before this happened…   I have had this kind of thing happen before and the only common thing in this event and the past ones is me.  So now I am wondering what I am doing wrong and looking in the back of my closet for my self-esteem.  Trying to shake the feeling of not being “enough” and needing to make sure every minute that I am “something more”.  I know it will take time and It is kind of maddening at times… trying to think of ways to be more than I was before this happened.  I know the relationship will survive this, I think I just need to make sure I am not so unprepared and speeding to far ahead with blinders on.  No one is perfect, mistakes happen and I have to work on not letting them affect me so much.

Scared

There is a million things running though my mind.


I don't think you all realize how true the title of this blog is.


I am scared...

and I can't find the irony or the humorous side to any of this.  So I am going to take a break. 

Take Care Everyone
and Happy Halloween and Thanksgiving

Amazing Weekend

An amazing weekend.
Will post soon

"Like a kiss that keeps you yearning
When I feel your lips I start to cry
put your hands upon me
Leave me breathless tonight
I'm alive

With you
When so many lovers never find each other I've found you"

Shocking

I let my phone charge while I was getting ready for work on Friday morning.  On my way out the door I unplugged the charger from the phone and went to work.  All day Friday and Saturday morning I did not notice that one end of the charger was plugged into the wall and the other end which should have been on the table was actually soaking in my floating candle dish.  I was not sure what to do but the water was all discolored and I could see little bubbles floating up from where the metal part was.  I grabbed the cord… (Rubber coating is good right?) and pulled it from the water, then quickly unplugged it from the wall.  I was fully expecting my long hair to be standing on end from getting shocked or worse.  Next, when I decided I was safe and I was not going to get fried I tried to clean it off and let it dry but from the looks of the green and orange colors that were not there before.  I did not think it was going to work and I was right.... it didn’t.  I emailed my mom and dad so they would not panic if they tried to call and could not reach me that I am going to the Verizon store in the mall and get a new charger Sunday morning.  I get to the mall and the Verizon store in gone… I stopped one of the mall walkers and asked them if it moved.  The old man said it was not here anymore, I stared and him and thanked him for reaffirming the obvious and decided to stop someone a little younger who might care about where a cell phone store went.  The next walker I stopped told me that they moved to their own store down the street from the mall.  I thank her and head to the new location. 

I get there and had to ask for a charger and the guy pulled up my account and said you just got this phone and charger why are you getting another one is it not working?  I explained to him that after I was done charging my phone I tried to charge my floating candles, he looked at me like I was crazy, and he said most people drop the cell phone in the water not the charger.  I told her I opted for the cheaper of the two, and not to worry since I am a member of the IGAAC I will probably be back. 

Pet Peeves!

I think I have acquired some pet peeves since I have been working at this job.  It is a change from my other job where I was mostly behind the scenes.  I deal more with people now, pissed off people who think the bank has wronged them in some way and now we owe them something.  A few years ago when we approved their loan they were chanting our praises.  I just want to say this up front...I work for a state chartered bank so before you go thinking I work for a bank that did all the shady lending and the shady foreclosures... that is just not the case.  So anyway back to what I was saying about pet peeves... i have a few:

1. Talking over me or interrupting me.  I have become much more hostile about this lately.   Before this job I would just stop talking.  Now I would like to tell them to shut the hell up and let me finish my sentence... but since that would probably get me fired, instead I just let them interrupt and when they are done... i politely ask them if they are finished so I can go back and finish what I was saying.  If they do it again i just continue to talk over them and tell them to let me finish because obviously they are retarded and need a little guidance.

2.  Answering a question I did not ask you.  I want to get some duct tape to have on hand at my desk for the next eavesdropper who answers a question I did not ask them.  Today, I did it... i finally looked at this girl who frequently does this and who has no idea what we are talking about because sometimes she does not even let me finish my question... I asked her if her name was Sue (names have been changed & who cares really) because I was talking to Sue.  She got mad and went back to her desk.  I am usually not mean like that but I had finally had enough.

3.  Swearing or hanging up on me.  When I am calling to see if they need assistance getting their finances back in order.  When I am calling to help them stay in the home vs. sending them to foreclosure... They better not  swear at me or hang up on me.  I realize they may have me confused with a bill collector so I cut them a little slack the first time...but if I have to listen to them swearing and yelling I am more prone to follow the guidelines and send them to foreclosure...why should I have to play nice with an asshole. 

I feel the only logical solution to all my pet peeves is getting an ip-phone application for my work phone.  Now I don't know why our phones are called IP phones but they can simply name this application the IP-Taser.  I want different settings on it... like mild, medium and asshole.  That way if I am on the phone with someone and they irritate me I can just choose a setting and solve the problem.

Good Night

By the time I went to bed last night I only had one thing on my mind...
When someone says something to me I tend to romanticize it in my mind.

For example:
"Good Night" in my mind is me and partner tripping over each other on the way to the bedroom leaving a trail of clothing in our wake...which then leads to thoughts of the greatest foreplay session ever, followed by various forms of sex and positions in great detail... well i tend to get a little carried away.

Oh... don't pretend your innocent. 

Moirae

In the days of myths in ancient Greece, men talked at great length, and with superstitious fear, of the Goddesses of Fate — three sisters to whom the Gods had given the power to determine the lives and fortunes of all human beings on earth, of every age, and in every generation.



Clotho spun the thread of life from her distaff onto her spindle. 
Lachesis, the second sister fate,  is the drawer of lots, she measured the thread of life allotted to each person with her measuring rod. And Atropos, the oldest sister, stands by with huge shears, impatiently waiting for the right moment to clip the thread of life.   The teaching of this ancient myth is that every human being, of every age, and in every generation, is but the plaything of the fates; that life is longer or shorter as the fates may decide; and that no act of man can change his own destiny.  

 Does my thread look like this?
 

That is all I want to know, and I know by no means helpless concerning my own future; that I can not help myself.  I can lengthen my life or shorten it.  I feel so trapped right now by circumstances.   In the words of Disraeli: "Man is not the creature of circumstances ; circumstances are the creatures of man."  So I guess I will traverse my way though my idiot girl adventures, and I think it is time to put on my big girl panties and shake things up a little.  My thread may be tangled but I like it that way.  Change is never easy, but I think it is time.

 "The cowards never started, and the weak died along the way."

Man Pants

So, I have not blogged in a while and I have been slacking.  I must be too busy loving myself and watching porn. I did tear myself way to go on a road trip last Sunday, it was a windy day, but a lot of fun.  Fall colors will be in full blast soon.

On a totally different note look at this...

British retailer Marks & Spencer has now created enhancing underpants for men, there are two types one that give a butt lift (elevate and shape the buttocks for a 20 percent visual lift) and one that provides a little more up front (a 38 percent visual enhancement in size).  These super pants will be available starting October 15, according to the article I saw. 

This is so deceiving. What would you do if you were dating someone for a while and suddenly you decide to have sex with him and he takes off his underwear and 38% of his cock comes off with them.  Or his nice firm ass is suddenly dragging on the carpet.  What would you say?  I mean, I guess it is only fair women can buy corsets, padded bras, silicone breast enhancers (you know those things that look like “chicken cutlets”), girdles, shape-wear, and even butt implants to show their skills in the art of illusion. What if you take off your girlfriends bra and her boobs are 38% smaller.

 

I would want to avoid that drama all together I don’t want to have to explain that my boobs in my bra may seem larger than they actually appear.... I figure if a guy does not like me for who I am he certainly does not deserve me.   My boobs are my boobs and my ass is my ass. 

I guess the moral of this little post is:  Please men and ladies do not let your confidence fall off in your underwear you are perfect without it.   

Nothing Exciting

This weekend is going to be busy.  I have plans tonight and tomorrow I need need to work for a few hours to make up some time from my checkup yesterday.  My doctor had ordered lab work back in July when I had an allergic reaction to something and my cheek turned bright red, and I was a bad girl and never went.  Well she made me go yesterday.  They took the blood and i really did not feel it, that nurse was damn good.  When she took out the needle and held the gauze there with pressure.  When she picked it up the blood came gushing out, well I happened to be looking at it, and this is when i passed out.  I had to sit there for an additional 20 minutes to make sure I was OK to drive home.  Well with the wait and drama my 1 hour lunch turned into 2 hours so gonna make it up tomorrow. 

I am going on a road trip with my parents on Sunday up north to take some awesome pictures I hope.  Should be fun, they know I want to go but do not want me going alone... which I can understand.  There are some strange things that happen at State Parks. I do not want an alien anal probe. 


Also I just got this book called Eat This, Not That.  I wanted to share a few things with you from the drink section.  You would be surprised the things that are marketed to be good for you are actually not.  Do you know people who drink that Rockstar Energy drink (One can 16 fl. oz)?  They are drinking the same amount of sugar as 6 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Doughnuts.

I found this interesting as well:

SoBe Green Tea (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)

240 calories
0 g fat
61 g sugars Sugar Equivalent: 4 slices Sara Lee Cherry Pie
Leave it to SoBe to take an otherwise healthy bottle of tea and inject it with enough sugar to turn it into dessert. Composed of 11 flavors with names like “Nirvana” and “Cranberry Grapefruit Elixir,” is marketed to give consumers the impression that it can cleanse the body, mind, and spirit. Don’t be fooled. Just like this bottle of green tea, all of these beverages are made with two primary ingredients: water and sugar.Check you labels folks.

Sex Myths

Askmen.com came out with the following top 10 list and I felt I had to put in my own two cents.  You can find the original comments to the list there.  I can't link it at this time because I don’t even know how I ended up there.  Anyway just so we are clear… list is theirs, comments are mine. 
 

No.10 - Great sex comes naturally

Remember way back when you were a virgin.  You watch a show on HBO or SKINimax and thought sex was this wonderful grand thing.  Moans, kissing, foreplay, touching, licking, and finally the big O.  Yeah what a huge disappointment that was.  I have to agree with them on this one.  I feel it rarely comes naturally.  I mean accidents are bound to happen… let me just list a few for you from my own sexcapades.

-         cops knocking on car window

-         spilling lube on him

-         kneeing him in the gut… hey it is better than in the balls.

This was never in the movies. 

No.9 - Men have more sexual urges than women

This is busted and I agree…  Men get headaches too.  Or you are trying to get romantic and they fart and try to push you under the covers.  Even if you can fit in your HS cheerleading uniform if football is on TV forget it.  Unless you can fit it in the time frame of a commercial. 

No.8 - After a certain age, sex is no longer important

Busted and I agree…Sex is always important unless it is going to cause you to have a heart attack and die or something, which I guess if you are old and rich maybe that is your partners plan.  Have you changed your will recently? 

No.7 - Viagra is the answer

I don’t know if this one is busted… If you can’t get it up Viagra might be the answer.  I have no idea what men did before it.  Can they use one of those penis pumps and pump it up?  Maybe they just did not have sex.

No.6 - Size matters

Again, I don’t know if I agree with this.  If you have no skill you better have a huge cock to fall back on.  If you know what you are doing and can keep it exciting size is not going to make much of a difference.

No.5 - Certain foods can put you in the mood

I agree… Busted.  If you eat tiger penis you will be ready for love.  Rawr!   I don’t care I can be ready for love with out digesting a tiger penis.  Beside if your man saw you chewing on any kind of penis I think it would send him running.  Now food might set the mood if you are eating it off his/her body.

No.4 - Oral sex is safer than vaginal and anal sex

I agree, this is busted.  Choking comes to mind, or accidental teeth, what if there are braces involved.  I think you should take care when having oral sex.  What if he has no idea what he is doing while he is going down on you, it could be painful.  Nothing kills the mood faster than shouting directions or hearing him hum the ABC song… it is killing the mood.  Compose your thesis instead. 

No.3 - Premature ejaculation only affects young men

I don’t know if this is busted or not.  I stay away from young men.  I have never had any experience with this problem.  If this is an issue I feel like you should just fuck more, build up endurance.  Practice makes perfect… and who minds practicing sex.   

No.2 - Fantasizing about someone else is a bad thing

Of course it is bad… he should only be thinking about me.  That is all I have to say about that.  I am just kidding, fantasizing and role-playing can only add to the excitement.

No.1 - Women can't get pregnant if a man pulls out

BUSTED!  Duh… really was there someone who did not know this?

2 .... Really?

I saw the lowest credit score on earth today.  It was a 2... the guys credit was so bad it was a 2.  This is what happens when you borrow all kinds of money and decide to stop paying on it.  He stopped paying the summer and winter tax bills on his property as well in 2007.  So now he has a foreclosure and a tax lien... it also looked like he has a federal tax lien as well...so I am guessing he did not pay his CPA either.  Boys and Girls let me just advise, I know the economy is bad but if at all possible pay your debts starting with your mortgage first as late payments on your mortgage weigh heavily on your overall score.  If you need help call Green Path or another non-profit company who can help you negotiate with creditors and set up a budget.  Make sure you watch out for the Killer C's ... cable ... credit cards...cigarettes... these costs add up fast.  Ok end lecture.

On a better note, have you seen this blog.  I was fascinated, of course it was 2am and I could not sleep so I was easily amused or it could be that I love cock.  

 

 

 I play an online video game and I am always commenting on how some things in that game look so cock-like.  I may have to do a follow-up post so you can see them too.  Of course seeing how most of my readers are men I am sure you really don't care... so I probably won't. 

Also I was surfing around to other blog sites and I found Write about it Wednesday on City Mom's blog laughed at the picture so now I feel I should at least write about it.   Yeah... I know it is not Wednesday, just pretend it is.  Here is the photo and all you have to do is hop on over to her blog to play along.

I don't drive a horse, but something with horse power so I think that qualifies.  I could really use one of these designated dog drivers.  Is there some school or training course I can enroll Sable. (she just gave me a dirty look) I think I would wake up from my hang over at the dog park or she would run off the road and kill us both by off-roading to chasing a squirrel.  One time her and I were in the car going to my mom and dads house to visit and she was laying in the back seat looking all innocent n' stuff and that is when I smelled it...she had farted... that was the closest I came to passing out behind the wheel and her having to drive. 

Randomly Yours,
Siren

The fake big O!

I never did understand how come some women fake it.  I mean I have faked a headache before instead of saying “I’m just not that into you” but I don’t fake orgasms.  I just don’t feel like giving credit when credit is not due. 

I asked a friend at work if she ever faked it, and she said she had… she went on to say that men are babies and if you don’t feed their ego, as in, you are best and biggest lover I have ever had… they just don’t perform well anymore.  She said men also think if you can’t orgasm during sex there is something wrong with you, not them.  It couldn’t possibly be that only 50% of women orgasm during sex.  Men will never call women out for faking it because that would mean reality would get in the way of their “I am the best lover on the planet” ego.

I asked a male his perspective on the whole faking it thing and he said who cares, I mean as long as he gets off and it feels good why would he waste time trying to figure out if she faked it or not. 

I am sure you have heard it before:

Women might be able to fake orgasms.

But men can fake whole relationships.

Porn Star Dancing by My Darkest Days

Uninvited Guest

So i was laying in bed watching TV because for some reason I can not fall asleep again tonight.  Little did I know that I had company.  I do not like unannounced guests in my home especially after midnight.  I guess the TV is what made him decide to let me know he was here... maybe he did not like "The Office" rerun.  I freaked when I saw him.  He flew by once and then decided to do 3 or 4 more ariel stunts and that was it, I was up.  There may be a little exaggeration on my part, but anything flying in my apartment waiting for me to fall asleep so it can land on my face it too big and not welcome.   So i have spent the last 30 minutes ducking and weaving trying to get this damn flying bug thing out of my space.  *shivers* I have a phobia of bugs... what can I say.  Well I was finally able to whack it with the swiffer sweeper thing and then vacuum it up and throw it out.  I think I can go back to sleep now... I hope, I am just so tired from my lack of sleep over the last few days it is unreal.  May I just need to masturbate more ... yes I am certain that is it.   Well you all have a good night, hope it is fire breathing dragon sized bug free.  

On a side note, today I discovered I can not text and walk at the same time.  Anyone got a band aid? 

What the Smell !!!

Well some girl I work with moved to a bigger cubicle today which happened to be next to mine.   I did not have a problem with this until she got settled in and I realized she has some strange fetish with applying strongly scented lotion and perfume all day long.  I peeked in her office and I saw something like this...

What in the hell is she trying to cover up?  Does she have some kind of fungus?  I like smelling good, and clean but I do not slather myself in floral smelling whatever the hell she uses.  Anyway I have sneezed in the range of 5000 times since she moved.  I have used 2 boxes of Kleenex and pretty much scratched my eyes out.  I squinted and managed to email my boss to see if I could move to the other side of the building.  I fear if I don't move my desk will look like this...

 

Anyway I hope she is happy with her new office and maybe I should count my blessings, because someone who has to use that much lotion must smell worse without it.  Lets hope tomorrow I am busy moving my office.  Ah-Choooooo!

Out for Dinner

While my sister was here visiting I took her to Genji's Japanese Steakhouse.  I like it there it is fun and the cooks are very talented.   I have always just gone there for lunch, dinner was a whole different experience.  We got our soup, salad and drinks... then came our appetizer.  We ordered Edamame.

It was good.   I don't know if you have ate edamame before, but you bite the end to open/split the pod and then drag your teeth along it to slide out the Japanese soy beans.  They are very good for you just lightly salted and steamed, but after a drink or two they were a little tricky.

 

Our waiter came out and started tossing the food on the grill.  We had veggies, rice and chicken.  Now my sister ordered the veggie dish and I ordered the chicken dish.  We watched him flip knives around and chop chop the veggies...Then he dumped a LARGE bowl of rice on the grill... there was A LOT of rice.  He shaped the rice in a heart and used the spatula to make it beat (say it, you know you want too "Awww").  My sister was eating a edamame and lost a bean down the front of her shirt.  He was so kind to offer to get it out for her.  Then he started chopping the chicken and when it was done he tossed it on my plate except for two pieces and he flipped those in her "yum yum" sauce and said... first day.  She glared at him and she explained to him that she was a vegetarian.  He looked at her like she was an alien and got her some more sauce w/o chicken.  He asked us to come back Sunday, but we declined.  It was a fun night.  I am glad she came to visit.  I am hoping to get to visit her in Boston in the fall.

Delays

So my keyboard is a litte dusty.  

...but have a good excuse.  

My sister is in town from Boston so I have been to my parents a lot to spend time with the family.

Have a Safe and Happy Labor Day 

I will have lots of misadventure to tell you about on Monday.

Just a Quickie Post!

Today....
I scrapped.
It was pretty quiet.
People seem so busy all the time.
I am glad I was able to find a quiet moment to do something I enjoy.This is for my sister it is of her dog. He is getting pretty old and is starting to find it hard to get up and down. It is never easy losing your best friend. I hope hers is able to stick around a while, but if for some reason he has to go... I want her to have some visual memories.
I also made some cards for my mom... she enjoys them and loves sending them out. Other than that I did some laundry and walked Sable. The idiot girl adventures were kept to a minimum.

Enjoy your weekend!

Shredded Lamb? Hell No!

Hi, this is Sable. I am waiting for "Idiot Girl" to come home for lunch. You see, she filled my dish with this dog food she got from the grocery store. This is not my normal brand, so I have to admit I was kinda curious. This was Purina Pro Plan Shredded blend. Natural Lamb and Rice formula. With real lamb! Now I know she has been on this natural food kick but it does not mean she needs to put me on it too!!! I am a chicken, cheese and bacon kinda dog not a lamb kinda dog. I don't know what she was thinking. Wait till she sees what I did today. She will sure be glad she just brought home a sample size bag.

Now, sometimes she has a hard time understanding me so I spent a lot of time this morning trying to make sure my message is crystal clear. I spelled out "I hate these shredded lamb pieces" all over the carpet.... ok, ok so maybe I did not actually spell that all out but i made sure to place those pieces all over the apartment. I was careful not to miss a room.

living room - check
bedroom - check
kitchen - check
hallway & bathroom - check
(trust me it is a lot of pieces)

I am sure she will be able to tell right away that I am not impressed with this change to my menu. The crunchy triangle pieces were not bad at all, so I ate those. Maybe I better get the broom out for her, but I won't because I hate that thing. Well it is hard to type with paws and I gotta go anyway...she will be home soon and I want to be waiting by the door so I can see the look on her face.

Sample bag of Pro Plan - Free
Picking though and strategically placing all the lamb pieces - Tedious
Look on idiot girls face - Priceless!!!

Phone Tricks and Mind Trips

I got a new cell phone. You would not believe how hard it is to fine a cell phone that will just make a damn phone call. I don't want a phone where I have to pay an addition $30 for a data plan. I have other sources for that. Believe it or not I want a phone to place phone calls... go figure.

Well I like the new phone the only problem is when people call I hang up on them. Not on purpose of course it is totally an accident. I think on my old phone the send and end buttons where on the opposite sides or maybe it is the fact that on my razor they are red and green. I am sure I will get it figured out soon... so until then if you want to get hung up on give me a call.


On a more interesting note I have stumbled on a site where you can get high (without drugs).

So if you are stuck inside on a rainy day or bored go check it out. There are sound ones too but they work best with headphones.

"How It Works - Created in 1981 by artist Isia Leviant, the painting titled Engima has long stumped scientists. Nobody knew why the lines appeared to jitter, how the concentric circles could move, or what exactly it was that gave us this two-dimensional illusion its appearance of depth. Why did we feel so sucked in to the painting? Then in November 2008, neuroscientists at Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix, Arizona, discovered most of the blame goes to the microsaccades, the tiny involuntary movements that occur naturally in the eyes at various times.
Barrow researchers gathered three subjects and placed each in a chair in front of Enigma. As subjects gazed into the psychedelic cluster of lines and circles, cameras took 500 pictures per second of their eyes. Subjects pressed a button when they noticed the lines in Enigma as stationary; they let go of the button when the lines began jittering again. What researchers found was that the painting appears to “jitter” when microsaccades increased; it appeared stationary as the microsaccades ceased. These involuntary movements in our eyes were, at least in part, giving Enigma its illusion of movement. " (copied and pasted from the site)

I want my bed back!

Well, I am tired of sleeping on the couch. My ceiling is sorta fixed. The hole is fixed but I went to the office and asked the guy when he was going to paint it. He said the guy who fixed it was supposed to texture it before he can paint it. But the guy that did the drywall said he was done and has not been back… so left does not know what right is doing.

All I know is I want all the sanding and painting done so I can reassemble my bedroom and actually get a good nights sleep in my bed.

I guess this weekend I wipe down all the walls because there is dry wall dust everywhere, which makes me sneeze. I will put my room back together because just like the hole where they removed the bees it will never get done. Oh well at least the hole is gone and the ghosts, monsters and spy cat have been sealed inside or moved on.

Ahh-chooooo!

Blah!

I feel lonely tonight and I hate that.

I guess that is all I have to say.











Except I hope our secretary is back from vacation tomorrow I refuse to lick envelopes. I hate that too!

Rusted

 

I used to polish up nicely.

Now I flash bright smiles and pretend everything is ok.

I get a little further from perfection…each minute and every day

I open my eyes in the morning just to discover I am disintegrating.

Some days it is harder to hide than others.

Harsh words and actions corrode my happiness

Disappointments, leading to salty tears cause my heart to rust.

The love, joy and happiness that once was there, eroded away.

 

I lay here weakened praying for some type of restoration

…someone not afraid to touch me where I am rusty

…someone who will scrape and chip until I bleed

…someone to make me feel a new dream, a new love without pain.

Let's Play A Game called what else is in my ceiling?

Ok... So now JerseySjov has me worried this is in my ceiling. I hope they get it fixed soon.

If you don't understand this post please see the following prior posts about the gaping hole and it contents in my ceiling.

Bedroom Ceiling 1
Bedroom Ceiling 2

Lookie What I Found

Cameltoe is a slang term that refers to the outline of a human female's labia majora seen through tight clothes. It is also the toes of a camel as in the picture below. Today's entry is talking about the first reference. Also...Urban Dictionary defines it as a vaginal wedgie("vedgie"), most commonly caused by tight pants that work their way into the crevices of the vaginia making a shape that clearly resembles a camel's toe

 

(Fyi: I also learned on Urban Dictionary that male organs showing through clothes at the crotch may be called moose knuckle.)

 

I was innocently surfing the web and I came across this interesting site I thought I would share with all you fine folks. Did you know they have developed a panty to fix all these random displays of cameltoe. They call it Camelflage. Camelflage your Cameltoe. Feel free to go check out the site there is even a blog to talk about camel toe issues. I had no idea this was such a huge issue. I have not had the problem but then I don’t wear my clothes that tight either. If you ask me it looks uncomfortable.

 

It may be too late for Ms. Spears but if you wear spandex jumpsuits, these might be for you. "The insert is sewn into the panty so your protection is always secure!"

Now if someone can just do something about the Whale Tails!!!!
(Whale tale is the Y-shaped waistband of a thong or g-string when visible above the waistline of low-rise jeans that resembles a whale's tail.)

Enjoy...

Leaving the Lights On

I got up early this morning and went to work for a few hours; I take Sable with me on Saturdays since I don’t like the big building alone. I check my blog and thanks to The Urban Cowboy I have been watching my back every since. He said there might be ghosts and monsters in my ceiling. He could totally be right I got an eerie feeling last night when I woke up at 4:00am so I shut the bedroom door.

 

I have been avoiding looking directly at the hole for fear I will see this…

 

You know I am a fan of scary movies but I don’t watch a lot anymore since I live alone. If I watch a scary movie and I have to go home alone all the lights have to be on. Like that movie Darkness Falls… I will be safe as long as I stay in the light.

 

I have been searching the apartment most the afternoon for weapons but all I can find is some knives, scrapbooking scissors, and a stapler. Well I have Sable but she is scared of her own shadow.

 

Does anyone have a monster or ghost survival guide for idiot girls? This is serious, I am convinced that monsters and ghosts are up there and they want to eat me. I mean look at Godzilla how many people did he kill. I am going to need some other protection. Does anyone have a helicopter with assault rifles attached so I can call you in the middle of the night incase I need a monster gunned down?

 

Help, I’m scared!!!!

The New and Improved Ceiling?

My bedroom ceiling is still not fixed, here it is now... I think I preferred the smaller hole that was there before.

and my floor....

I would just like to be able to sleep in my bed sometime this month. The couch is great, it is just not as comfortable.
All I can say is they better not try to raise my rent next month when it is time to renew my lease.

The Gnome Strikes Back

My new plant is dying. I know why it is dying; it is because I put my mini gnome back in it. I looked it up and confirmed it with some garden gnome enthusiasts is that the presence of gnomes in the garden would help promote the natural growth of your plants. According to the folklore, the gnomes are known to be creatures that take care of the vegetation. They are believed to have good hands when it comes to growing plants. I have a theory… When my mini gnome was younger and in gnome school trying to grow his garden...it must have died… from then on he was teased and taunted until he joined the dark side and became a member of the SNGSF (Secret Ninja Gnome Special Forces). Now he will not rest until my plant is dead. The other ninja gnomes taught him that plants are evil and he must eradicate it so he can have the pot all to himself. I bet he has his shuriken hidden in his pointy hat, and by the look of my plant he is a bad ass. I think I might have to put him on the couch with the dogs so my plant can live in peace. I would put the dogs in the plant but I don’t want them to water it.

Grr Monday's

I hit the snooze to many times this morning.
I did not have time to "love myself" before I got in the shower.
My hair would not dry fast enough.
My ceiling is still not fixed.
Sable too forever to pick which blades of grass she wanted to pee on.
My car is covered in sap from that stupid tree.
I typed my password wrong.
People seemed especially mean today.
The phone would not stop ringing.
Someone bought the last bottle of water out of the vending machine.


I am glad Monday is over.


Time to make a drink and just chill....
*&!*% I am out of vodka!

The Sky is Falling

When I got home on Monday night I happened to be unpacking and looked up. This is what I saw.

Something happened to my ceiling. My first thought was there was a leak on the roof, however nothing was wet and there was no water stains on the ceiling. My next thought was bees again... but i saw no bees. I was perplexed so I slept on the couch. the next morning I called the maintenance person and he came to take a look. He took a picture with his cell phone and that was the last I heard so I went to work. When I got home from work this is what I saw

I thought it looked like black mold so I poked it with a ruler and it was squishy like a sponge. Finally I went in to the Apartment office yesterday to pay my rent and the lady asks how my apartment is doing. How is it doing? I told her there is a hole in my bedroom ceiling. What the hell kind question is that? I have been sleeping on the couch for 4 nights because i think the ceiling in the bedroom is going to cave in and cover me in black mold. She told me they found the problem and the roof was like Swiss cheese. Is this supposed to comfort me?

So if a seagull lands on the roof it might end up in my bedroom. I asked when they might foresee getting my ceiling fixed. She said next week. So today I am going to get busy moving the stuff out of my bedroom since they are going to have to remove a major part of the ceiling.

I guess i should just be relived it is not bees again.

Over The River and Through The Woods...

On Friday, last week we arrived at my grandmas house. She can no longer live on her own but it is good to take her back and visit once in a while. Most of my dad’s family is still living there. My grandma has already buried 3 of her children and there is just my dad and one of his brothers left. So I got to see relatives I have not seen in a while. Things are different here, time is slower and things are laid back. Since my grandma no longer lives in her home and it had been shut up for months my allergies were in full force, there was no TV and there was no phone. My cell phone had a signal once and a while. Did I mention it was over 100 degrees the whole time I was there? I wanted to go into the woods and take pictures of where my sister and I used to play when we were little, there is actually a tomb up there (not creepy at all), but every time I went outside I began to sneeze my head off and melt. It made it a very long weekend. On Saturday we were looking though my grandma’s cupboards and we found this:
Yes it is a boob cup and you drink out of the nipple. It was something my grandpa had...he was a big boob man. (omg someone is going to find my sex toy collection when i pass away) We had fun digging though some stuff. I have no idea how she got so much stuff in that house. The next morning we were going to meet my cousin and his family for breakfast. I was half awake and my grandma came out of the bathroom and mooned me, saying something about not being able to find her underwear. I asked her if she left them at “Wayne’s” last night. Wayne’s was the local bar; she went off on this elaborate story about how she thumbed there after we went to sleep. All in all it was a good time…seeing my Ohio relatives reminds me where I got my “crazy” from.

Driving Two Daisy’s

Bridge to West Virgina (from Ohio)

Last weekend I took off Friday morning on a road trip with my mom and grandma. We were doing great because my mom was driving and I was reading a map that my dad printed out on Street Atlas USA. I quickly noticed that this map had not exit numbers, and did not tell me how may miles I would be on the road. My grandma is on oxygen so after the first two hours of driving we had to stop and change her tank. This is the point that my mom told me I could drive. She did not want to drive though Columbus. I was worried for a few reasons:

• This is my Dad’s Acadia

• My mom is a backseat driver (panics or squeals if she thinks you do not see something – which actually causes a mild heart attack when you are driving)

• My mom cannot read a map.

I was on the road about an hour and I said are we supposed to get off here? She says no so I keep driving. 10 seconds later she says…I think you were supposed to get off back there.

* Awkward Silence*

Hello this is On Star Navigation …we are downloading your map. The next thing I hear while I am driving down the highway is “Please make a legal and safe U-turn” I blink and laugh since I am in Ohio and the cops will arrest you if you if you look at them funny. To make it even worse I have out of state plates, which I am certain, put a big bulls eye on my car. (I had to use the cruise control all the way there) I finally got turned around and we were back on track.

I think I could make a whole other post regarding the things I now know about my mom and grandma after being trapped in a car for a little over 7 hours with them.

Saturday Driving

The following happened between the hours of 8:00am and 11:00pm:

8:00am - I woke up and did all my morning stuff (wont bore you with the details) I took sable for a walk. When we got back to the apt and I decided to go to work for a few hours.

9:30 Drove to work with Sable in the car, I can sneak her in on Saturdays since there is no one there. The building I work in is a big old historic building so it is scary. I am sure they could film some sort of Ghost Hunter episode there. One of my male co-workers collects clowns and they are all over his cubicle. It really creeps me out. Sable does not seem like the logical choice for possessed toy clown collections or ghost protection... but she is all I got. We get downtown and because my town is a tourist trap in the summer there was no where to park. The Tall Ship are here and people are everywhere. I did not see any trucks with nut sacks so that was a plus.

9:34 - Road rage occurred along with some swearing about where people learned how to parallel park there are lines for a reason. Four parking spots taken up by 1 car and 1 motorcycle is unacceptable.

(rant) does it piss you off when people think their vehicle is so great that they take two spots thinking it will prevent door dings? This makes me want to hit them on purpose, which i would never do, but the though has crossed my mind. I do secretly hope for a random act of nature like a giant hail storm (just on their car) or a meteor. Park way out, in the back of the lot...it achieves the same purpose and you only need one spot because people don't like to walk that far. I mean I get it, some people lack common sense and don't take pride in ownership but this does not mean you need to piss me off before 10:00 in the morning by taking two spots.
9:34 - 12:00 - Boring work stuff and Sable napping on the floor under my desk.

12:20 - 11:00pm - Dust, vacuum, dog out - dog in (repeat). It was hot so I decided to go get a slurpee. I like to treat myself once in a while. When I got to 7-11 it seems everyone had the same idea. the parking lot was full and there where these two cars parked side by side in the drive having a conversation. I waited and stared... and waited, finally I put it in reverse and found a spot. I am sure I shot them a dirty look as i walked by but they did not seem to care. They must have been having a very important conversation to delay my Slurpee goodness. World Peace? Global Warming? The Answer to clean up all the oil in the gulf? I be it was about that Lebron basketball guy. I get inside and the guy in front of me got a Big Gulp... come on... Big Gulp = Moet and Slurpee = Cristal... get with the program Mr.

Somewhere in the adventures of the day my check engine light came on. I noticed it heading home after the Slurpee run. So i figured after all the BS my car has road rage too. So I parked it and let it rest all night. Today I am driving to my parents house, so I am hoping when I go out to start it the check engine light is off. I have not pumped gas lately so i don't think it is the gas cap again unless some one stole it... I will check that before I leave. Hmm... if it is not that I don't know what it could be so I guess I will drive it to my mom and dads and keep my fingers crossed. Wish me luck.

Happy July 5th

I spent most the day by myself yesterday. I actually cooked dinner.

~Menu~
Mango Salsa on toasted Italian Bread
(it is best on fish, but i am not a huge fish fan)
Baked Beans with Brown Sugar, Peaches, and Bacon grilled inside a sweet potato.
Grilled Chicken in a Marinade I made from scratch.

I packed up everything and took it to my parents house. I let the chicken marinade in the cooler on the drive there. Once I got there my dad helped me with the grilling, that is his terrain. Everything turned out good and they loved it and I think they were thrilled they did not have to cook.

I got a text so I headed home, but by the time I got there is seemed like everyone was busy doing other things. I logged on Skype just in case anyone wanted to talk but all I got was crickets. So I logged on this computer game I play online with other people but everyone seemed busy doing there own thing on there too. I decided to do my own thing but promptly died... it is what I do, hey I full time this idiot girl thing... in real life and the video game world. I know your supposed to pretend to be something different on line but I have tried and I can't shake this idiot girl M.O.

So kinda moody I log off and decide to walk Sable. We did not get to far, she does not like the sound of fireworks going off, she wanted to go back inside. I got her a Frosty Paw Ice Cream and she forgot all about the fireworks drama. I curled up on the couch and watched TV until I fell asleep.

I don't have to work today either so I hope I can find something exciting to do. Hope you all had an enjoyable and safe holiday weekend.